Press Conference To Demand A Full U.S. Withdrawal From Iraq
In solidarity with anti-war groups around the nation, including CODEPINK: Women for Peace, Courage to Resist, Fellowship of Reconciliation, Global Exchange, Institute for Policy Studies’ New Internationalism Project, Iraq Veterans Against the War, Military Families Speak Out, Pax Christi – USA, US Labor Against the War, Veterans for Peace, Voices for Creative Nonviolence, Voters for Peace, War Is a Crime, and other local and national groups,the Under the Hood staff, along with active duty soldiers, veterans, family members, legislators, local peace groups and other concerned citizens are planning a press conference on Monday, Aug. 30, at 10 a.m., at the Under the Hood Café & Outreach Center, 17 College St. (@ W. Ave. G), Killeen, to counter the current administration’s claim that the conflict in Iraq is “over” and “success” has been achieved. Continue reading
Misinformed Views Of Americans & Mid-Eastern People By Americans & Mid-Eastern People
Our Perceptions Are Controlled And Clouded By Various Obstructionist Media And Other Forces
I truly believe that we Americans and Mid-Eastern citizens have more in common than we have differences. As humans, we have the same basic needs and desires.
I have been speaking on an Iranian blog with citizens of several Mid-Eastern nations and it interests me in many ways how they view the U.S. and its citizens. Continue reading
Spice Station Brings LA 300 Of The Most Exotic Spices In The World
LOS ANGELES — “There may not be a trip around the world in your future, but Spice Station is as close as you can get without crossing the continents,” suggest owners of the new food enhancement service that is taking California by storm. They confirm that 300 of the most exotic spices can be found at this new establishment headquartered at 3819 West Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles, Calif., which offers multiple locations as a convenience for the public. “And what’s more, you don’t have to cash in a CD to enjoy the spicy experience,” it was noted, since the prices are low. Continue reading
Neptune Discovered One Neptunian Year Ago
Can you believe it’s been nearly a year since the planet Neptune was discovered? My how the time flies. OK, so it’s been 164 Earth years, but it’s but only been one Neptunian year.
When Neptune was discovered in 1846, it was located just inside the western border of the constellation Aquarius. Now after making one orbit around the Sun — one Neptunian year — it’s back near where it was when discovered.
Long-time readers of this column with exceptional memories — Hello, anyone out there? — might recall reading about Neptune’s discovery in a 1993 Stargazer. It’s an interesting story worth retelling. Continue reading
Cold & Hard: Spending The Night In Arnievile
Mark Twain’s autobiography is finally getting published — almost one hundred years to the day after he wrote it. And from what I can tell after reading the book’s advance reviews, Twain was also one hundred years ahead of his time, having apparently come back from the grave just in time to give us a much-needed warning about being wary of America’s oligarchs and to nail today’s corporatists for what they really are — greedy bastards. Continue reading
Fickle Fashion Yet Again
I made the mistake of looking at my daughter’s fashion magazines yet again. These things either make me laugh or make me mad. Sometimes they cause me to scratch my head. I always find amazing all the “new” rabbits Madison Avenue continues to pull out of its proverbial hat. Somehow designers, manufacturers, and retailers convince millions of women each season that this is in or that is out, that hair must be curly, straight, wavy, “piecey,” beachy, or whatever. (I’m supremely glad to have hair and am happy when it’s clean and neat). Continue reading
Holding Onto Eroding Houma Bayous
Harder Than Holding Greased Pigs?
In March of 2006, my son Joe participated in the American Indian Movement’s Sacred Run, traveling from San Francisco to Washington, D.C. on foot — and I joined him for the New Orleans leg of the journey. He ran. I drove.
Joe ran through the Ninth Ward and he ran through the bayous. I drove behind him through both, getting a windshield tour of Katrina’s incredible destruction. Following along behind Joe in my car, I saw the Katrina damage up close. “You think the outsides of the houses look bad?” someone in the Ninth Ward told me. “You should see the insides.” Continue reading
Mid Summer — Lots Of Peaches
I’m still picking peaches from our trees, and they’re also falling off faster than I can use them. Fifty cups of peaches have been frozen, so I’m expecting our ancient freezer to go out sometime this year (hopefully in winter). Murphy’s Law, you know; it’ll probably give up the ghost in August. Continue reading
Afghanistan, Pakistan, Israel & Iraq: America’s Favorite Money Pits
Yesterday my two-year-old granddaughter Mena and I were completely at logger-heads. She’d already stubbornly refused to make nice at the library, a restaurant and an olive-tasting party — and now she was refusing to take a bath. Ah, two-year-olds. I’m too old for this!
“But Jane,” someone advised me, “she’s obviously rebelling against you because she is bored. She’s tired of doing little-kid things and now she wants to do big-kid things.” I’ll just bet that she does. And what kind of big-kid things does she have in mind? Declare wars, get drunk, pollute the air and/or lobby to corrupt our politicians? Continue reading
More Faithful Men?
Glenn Close going crazy in “Fatal Attraction” was a cautionary tale for any man considering a casual affair in the late ’80s. Today, the repercussions of Tiger Woods’ affairs should be enough to discourage men from cheating on their wives. When statisticians do their work on the subject, I’ll bet we’ll see a dip in the number of unfaithful male spouses for the years immediately after Tiger’s foolish philandering. This upswing in marital fidelity won’t be because men are going to worry about the money they might have to give up if their wives find out they have strayed. It’s not because of the possible effect on their children. It’s not because they might lose the woman they love if they get caught doing some free-lance mattress testing. No, what will terrorize millions of men about having an affair and getting caught is how this might affect their golf game. Continue reading
Summer’s No Vacation
Have you ever noticed that things seem to break and generally mess up or need attention in batches, never only one at a time?
We just discovered that one of the bulls is limping. We don’t know why. We’re hoping he’ll recover in time to do a little work next winter. Timing is everything. Continue reading
Why Not Me?
The rumors are true. I was not invited to Chelsea Clinton’s wedding. I have no idea why. I never said or did anything cruel to either Bill or Hillary Clinton. I never met Marc’s family, so why would they be mad at me? It’s all a mystery. The invitation couldn’t have gotten lost in the mail. You don’t just drop an invitation to a former First Daughter’s wedding in your neighborhood mailbox. You walk down to the post office, you wait in that dreadful line, and you pay the few extra bucks to insure the thing. No, they left me off the list on purpose, and they didn’t do it in a classy way. Continue reading
Save Water; Fix That Leaky Light Switch
The great thing about shows like Extreme Home Makeover is that they inspire ideas on how to improve your home. The bad news is that people like me then try to implement these ideas without the benefit of a trained professional. The result is our bathroom, which currently has a commode with hot running water and a wall heater that can only be turned on by unscrewing the third bulb in our vanity mirror. Continue reading
Teaching Your Child To Bowl? Try Some Gutter Talk
Teaching a child to bowl is truly a bonding experience — meaning that you should really consider taking out a bond before entering the bowling alley.
As someone who escaped the experience with only a minor skull fracture and minimal orthodontic surgery, I feel I’ve acquired a level of expertise that could be helpful. Continue reading
Tired Of Looking At The Same Old Killer Asteroid? Give It A New Paint Job
Scientists tell us it’s only a matter of time before a giant asteroid threatens to crash into the Earth. This of course would lead to a cataclysmic event unleashing tidal waves, earthquakes, 6,000 years of winter, and, theoretically, mankind’s final offering as an evolved species:
Survivor: Oh great—now what?
Scientists warn that the only way to avoid total extinction would be to somehow divert the offending asteroid into a different orbit, therefore altering its path into a collision course with something less vital, like, say… New Jersey. Continue reading
When It Comes To Looking Ahead, Look No Further Than Your Behind
You should be aware that the idea of promoting an important issue through a week of “National Awareness” has gotten plain silly. There was a time when, in order to command the attention of our entire country for a whole week, you actually needed to have an issue that was important—something that could save lives, improve society, or, at the very least, boost the sale of Hallmark cards.
But not anymore.
I say this because, as you may or may not know, we’re in the middle of “National Psychic Week.” (For those of you who weren’t aware of this, I’m sorry: But there’s a very good chance you are NOT psychic.) According to one website, the purpose of this week-long focus is to “dispel skepticism [of psychics] through factual awareness.”
Thanks to an article that appeared in the Chicago Sun-Times, I have a better understanding of how it might take an entire week to dispel all that skepticism—especially after reading about Ulf Buck, a blind psychic from Meldorf, Germany, who claims he can read people’s futures by feeling their naked buttocks.
(Warning to women who frequent singles bars: Men who frequent singles bars may be reading this column.)
According to Buck, creases representing success, career and artistic ability extend inward from the extremities of the buttocks (Similar to a map of Hollywood), while five other creases radiate outward. Though Buck explained that those creases represent areas such as love and money, when asked about that crease radiating down the middle, he just said, “Ewww.”
My point is, if you have a habit of sitting naked on wicker furniture, don’t waste your time getting a buttocks reading.
No. My real point is that people no longer pay ANY attention to “National Awareness” weeks because the topics have gotten so stupid.
For example, when’s the last time you observed “National Fresh Breath” week with any level of enthusiasm? Did you gargle more? Brush better? Buy an extra roll of Certs?
(No one in THIS office did, I can tell you that.)
The problem is that there are no guidelines when it comes to petitioning for “National Awareness” status — which is why we have 40 states that participate in “Sky Awareness” week each year. First of all, do we really need a whole week? Unless you’re lying face down getting a buttocks reading, how long does it take to look straight up? Considering that there are 10 states that don’t observe “Sky Awareness” week at all, we can conclude that they either, 1) Think it’s stupid, 2) Put all of their efforts into having a great “Fresh Breath” week, or 3) Have no idea the sky actually exists.
Which could explain the idea behind “Brain Awareness” week.
That’s right. The same people who brought us “Mustard” week and “Bat Survey” week would like us to remember that we have brains. (Even though, oddly enough, those same people scheduled “National Hot Dog” week to take place three months AFTER “National Mustard” week.)
The bottom line, of course, is that coming up with wisecracks about buttocks readings, while cheeky, requires more brain activity than most “Awareness Week” topics.
Though I’m sure that’ll change some day, exactly when is anybody’s guess.
Then again, they do say hindsight is 20/20….
(You can write to Ned Hickson at nhickson@thesiuslawnews.com, or at the Siuslaw News at P.O. Box 10, Florence, OR. 97439)
Tales Of Combative Licensed Handgun Owners
THE ADDLED PARANOIACS AMONG US
Okay. Here I go again.
Although I had hoped to expound upon another topic, those delightful paranoiacs who put so much faith in their handguns continue to escalate my agita.
Last week, I came across an article in the Atlanta Journal Constitution about an altercation that transpired – allegedly – following a minor fender bender. Continue reading