Male Pattern Baldness Doesn’t Include Your Nose
What I’m about to tell you may be considered vain. On the other hand, it could also be considered a responsible act of brush fire prevention. I’m talking, of course, about excessive ear and nose hair. I bring this up because of a recent conversation I had with someone who wanted to express his opinion on… something. To be honest, I can’t remember what it was because I couldn’t overlook the fact that he appeared to have a chinchilla stuck in each ear.
What I’m about to tell you may be considered vain. On the other hand, it could also be considered a responsible act of brush fire prevention. I’m talking, of course, about excessive ear and nose hair. I bring this up because of a recent conversation I had with someone who wanted to express his opinion on… something. To be honest, I can’t remember what it was because I couldn’t overlook the fact that he appeared to have a chinchilla stuck in each ear.
I tried to be a good listener.
Tried to look reflective.
At least until I realized saliva had pooled in my open mouth.
As you might expect, this person was a male over the age of 40, which seems to be about the time follicles in mens’ ears and noses begin producing hair at an alarming rate. I say alarming because I’ve heard of men purposely growing enough ear and nose hair to make a comb over. And if that isn’t alarming to you, then you need to stop reading this column right NOW and put more mousse in your ear-and-nose-hair comb over.
Admittedly, after my conversation, I went directly to the nearest men’s room and examined my ears and nostrils. If for no other reason than to avoid putting those I care about at risk by allowing the hair in either orifice to become a fire hazard, such as being ignited by a random cell phone spark. To my relief, I found that the hair in both regions was still within the parameters of good taste, and by that I don’t mean hanging over my mouth. Naturally, as I was standing in front of the mirror staring down my nostrils, someone walked in.
After exchanging knowing glances, I turned back to the mirror and saw that my ear and nose hair had grown two centimeters.
This apparently is not uncommon.
According to a recent article published in the Journal Medicine, “A six-year study of Hypertrichosis in the ears and nose of men over age 40 revealed that the same study could have been completed in six months if male researchers hadn’t been fighting over the nose-hair trimmer.”
So, as a service to the men who may be reading this column, I’d like to offer the following tips gathered by our research department here at the Siuslaw News. Keep in mind that this department consists of:
A 41-year-old humor columnist obsessing over his ear and nose hair.
Tip #1: Never attempt to manicure the hair in these regions at the end of the day when you are tired — or possibly intoxicated — unless you are willing to run the risk of waking up without eye brows.
Tip #2: Should you not follow the advice of tip #1, you can always replace your eye brows with hair from your ears and nostrils.
Tip #3: Use a magnifying mirror. This will help you avoid nicking sensitive areas. On the other hand, seeing your own nostrils the size of bowling ball finger holes is likely to cause insomnia.
And lastly,
Tip #4: Do not pluck ear or nose hair with tweezers. This can cause ingrown hairs and lead to infection. Your best bet is to use a nose and ear hair trimmer, which is a device designed to fit into either orifice and remove hair safely by pulling them out at the root. It is best to start out lying on the floor in a fetal position since that is where you will end up anyway.
For those of you who have any more advice on this subject, please feel free to send it in. But please keep it short.
And by that, I mean your ear and nose hair.
(You can write to Ned Hickson at nhickson@thesiuslawnews.com, or at the Siuslaw News at P.O. Box 10, Florence, OR. 97439)
The Big Dipper
Of the very brightest stars (called 1st-magnitude stars) none are in the northern-most night sky, yet that part of the sky holds seven moderately bright stars that form a pattern more familiar than any of the brightest stars.
Of the very brightest stars (called 1st-magnitude stars) none are in the northern-most night sky, yet that part of the sky holds seven moderately bright stars that form a pattern more familiar than any of the brightest stars.
The Big Dipper, probably the best-known pattern in the entire northern hemisphere, is part of the constellation named Ursa Major, the Big Bear.
The Little Dipper, part of Ursa Minor, the Little Bear, is not so easy to identify as four of its seven stars are faint. It does, however, contain the North Star, also known as Polaris. Since it is straight up from Earth’s North Pole, Polaris never moves in our sky. It is always due north and the same distance (in degrees) above the horizon as the latitude from which it is being viewed. The two stars forming the outer end of the Big Dipper’s bowl are “pointer stars” pointing toward Polaris.
Polaris is like the center of a 24-hour clock with all the other stars moving around it like the clock’s hands, although in a counterclockwise direction. And just as stars circle Polaris, so do star patterns, including the Big Dipper. Depending upon the season and time of night, the Big Dipper might be above, below or east or west of Polaris.
There’s a legend that helps know where to look for the Big Dipper in the early evening. In the fall the dipper is due north below Polaris, down near Earth filling its bowl with water.
In the winter it is to the east (right) of Polaris with its bowl tilted on its side and its handle pointing downward. The water doesn’t spill out because, being winter, it’s frozen.
In the spring the Big Dipper is again due north but above Polaris in an upside-down position. The water, now thawed, is pouring out of the dipper’s bowl bringing us spring rains.
By summer, the dipper has swung around to the west (left) of Polaris with its bowl again tilted on its side and its handle pointing upward. It no longer has any water to spill on Earth, accounting for our dry, hot summers.
And the next fall it again swings down near Earth to again fill its bowl with water and begin the cycle anew. Right now in the early evening, as spring is about to turn to summer, the Big Dipper is to the upper left of Polaris.
• Sky Calendar.
* June 4 Fri.: The Moon is at 3rd quarter.
* 6 Sun. morning: The crescent Moon is to the upper right of Jupiter low in the east before dawn.
* 6 Sun. evening: Mars is just to the upper left of Leo’s bright star Regulus high in the west.
* 8 Tue. morning: Jupiter passes less than a moonwidth from Uranus; seeing much fainter Uranus requires binoculars.
* 10 Thu. morning: The crescent Moon is above Mercury low in the east northeast at dawn, and the next morning to Mercury’s left.
* 10-12 Thu.-Sat. early evenings: Venus and Gemini’s bright stars Pollux and Castor are aligned and equally spaced low in the west at dusk.
* 12 Sat.: The Moon is new.
* 14 Mon. early evening: The crescent Moon is below Venus low in the west.
* 16 Wed. evening: The crescent Moon is below Mars, and then to Mars’ left the next night.
* 18 Fri. evening: The 1st quarter Moon is below Saturn.
• Naked-eye Planets. (The Sun, Moon, and planets rise in the east and set in the west due to Earth’s west-to-east rotation on its axis.) Evening: “Evening star” Venus is prominent in the west northwest, Mars is mid way up in the west, and Saturn is high in the southwest. Morning: Jupiter rises two hours before the break of dawn with Mercury very low in the east at dawn.
• Star Party. The Central Texas Astronomical Society’s free monthly star party is Saturday, May 5, at the Lake Waco Wetlands beginning at 8:30 p.m. For directions see my Web site.
Stargazer appears every other week. Paul Derrick is an amateur astronomer who lives in Waco. Contact him at 918 N. 30th, Waco, TX 76707, (254) 753-6920 or . See the Stargazer Web site at <stargazerpaul.com>.
Sharing The Blame For The Financial Crisis
There is enough blame for our financial plight to go around for everybody. The trophy of fault goes to the Corporate-Military Complex whose objective has been higher and endless profiteering. During the George Walker Bush administration corporations made billions in profits getting lucrative contracts overseas fighting wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, parts of Africa and other areas of the world. This was done by pulling strings in Washington D.C. and buying the best government money can purchase.
There is enough blame for our financial plight to go around for everybody. The trophy of fault goes to the Corporate-Military Complex whose objective has been higher and endless profiteering. During the George Walker Bush administration corporations made billions in profits getting lucrative contracts overseas fighting wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, parts of Africa and other areas of the world. This was done by pulling strings in Washington D.C. and buying the best government money can purchase.
Congress is the runner-up winner for its irresponsibility in throwing away more than one trillion of our taxpayer dollars to fight wars overseas that have done little to resolves the urgent and major issues here at home. We have borrowed money from China and other nations that will keep us in the red for future generations of Americans. Our government has let our infrastructures decay and have permitted the outsourcing of American jobs to overseas cheaper labor. Congress allowed lackluster oversight of most industries to damage our reputation and destroy our savings, investments and retirement funds. But most of all, Congress permitted the greed of corporate profiteering above the good of the American community. In addition, government enabled the corporate sector to use cheaper and illegal employees and did not enforce or modify our immigration laws, which contributed to the mess we find ourselves into regarding this issue.
Although part of the corporate sector, the financial markets and Wall Street deserve honorable mention as they scammed the American public and myopically focused on market profiteering at all costs and opened themselves up to manipulating clients with ponzi schemes, loose credit that got clients into big financial trouble.
Next in line for responsibility is the American people, who lived above their capability and began to incur huge debt, which led to the falling of the housing markets and the huge number of home foreclosures. Americans decided to follow the lead of our Congressional leader as they put the U.S. in huge debt and taxpayers did as well as they applied for loans they would not be able to repay and bought homes they could not afford. American voters also permitted Congress to remain stagnant and lackluster in general, but allowed Congress to approve legislation for their wealthy special interests that made CEO’s fortunes while stepping on the American people.
The bottom-line is that there was no accountability or proper oversight to manage all facets of our economy, nor were there any safeguards practiced that protected the people in lieu of the Corporate-Military sector of making their huge profits. Big business wanted it all: hands-off capitalism when things were going well, then taxpayer socialist bail-outs when they screwed-up and needed help. They got the best of both worlds while the majority of people lost their homes and savings.
Peter Stern, a former director of information services, university professor and public school administrator, is a disabled Vietnam veteran who lives in Driftwood, Texas.
A Divided Nation
There are understandable reasons why some in this nation believe major warnings should be heeded to prevent the United States from becoming a chaotic democracy—something on the order of France, early in the last century, a country of so many divided parties and factions, parliament was to a large extent paralyzed.
The rise of the Tea Party, representing disappointment in Washington and the political parties, divisions among Americans especially in the Southwest, the terrorists threat and resentment of Muslim Americans, the recession, and other current trends are reasons for concern—concern whether a unified democracy will reduce its crime rate and achieve unity and order in the near future.
The crime rate itself is a national disgrace. Over 150 children have already been shot this year in Chicago. Bad as that is, Chicago famous as a criminal gang city, the number shot in Orlando is even higher!
A majority now opposes wars the country is waging in Muslim countries—countries which are none of our business, even though terrorists have come from them. That is probably impossible to end, and our invasions of countries from which they came has probably produced as much resentment and hate of Americans as friends.
In Iraq where about 4,000 Americans gave their lives in eight years of a war begun by President George W. Bush based on false information about nuclear weapons, there’s still chaos. Over 100 people were killed by bombing in the second week in May—the same news of recent years even when we were there to produce a democracy, order and stability.
The new government seems likely, again, to leave Sunnis out of the government, though President Karsai was warned about this on his recent weeklong visit in Washington (with his cabinet). They are a major racial element (in north Iraq) of the population.
Attacks on the United States by Islam terrorists are likely to continue, or be attempted, and though perhaps not wise public relations, words spoken recently by Billy Graham’s son, Franklin Graham, contained much truth.
Graham said the true Islam faith and teaching as practiced by some is evil, since it justifies killing. Graham said it was shameful, wicked and evil. And it is—as viewed by the standards of tolerances observed by most Americans and other faiths.
There are some 29 countries where Islam is a major faith, with millions of adherents. We are waging wars in two and striving desperately to win over Muslim populations in all, but damnation of a population’s religion doesn’t make our task any easier.
Millions of Muslims also now live in the United States. They are a worrisome faction in the racial and cultural mix now threatening American unity.
No Protestants!
In, probably, no other country could its highest court contain not even one member of the majority faith in the nation.
Not just from the numbers count, but from the historical record, Protestants have been the major factor in shaping the nation’s laws, democracy and society since its founding.
Yet President Obama’s latest nominee to fill the vacancy of Justice John Paul Stevens, the only Protestant on the high court now leaving, is the third member of the Jewish faith on the court. The other six justices are Roman Catholics.
All were appointed by Protestant Presidents.
This is a step from the thinking of many of the nation’s founders, including John Jay, the Supreme Court’s first chief justice. Jay, in stressing the importance of national unity, wrote: “Providence has been pleased to give this one country to one united people—a people descended from the same ancestors, speaking the same language, professing the same religion (Protestant) attached to the same principles ofgovernment, very similar in their manners and customs.”
Alexander Hamilton said the safety of the republic depended “essentially on the energy of a common national sentiment.”
Hamilton was speaking primarily about immigration — which citizens of Arizona might be interested to read today.
Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson made similar remarks about maintaining the moral and religious unity of the nation. George Washington (in a speech written by Hamilton) declared: “To render the people of this country as homogenous as possible must tend as much as any other circumstance to the permanence of their union and posterity.”
That the 2010 U.S. Supreme Court doesn’t contain even one Protestant, representing the philosophy of the founding fathers, doesn’t mean that members of other faiths can’t and won’t do so—and have.
But, at the very least, it’s something of an oddity for a country of about 100 million majority faith Protestants not to have even one member of their faith on the nation’s highest court.
Odd at a time when historically, the Roman Catholic faith is beset with a worldwide mass of sins and crimes by thousands of priests following centuries old church doctrine that priests not marry. One doesn’t imply any of the six Roman Catholics on the current court are connected, in any way, with this scandal.
But it can be said, and should be, that the faith of the founding fathers and the historic faith of the majority of Americans should be represented on the nation’s highest court, which has always been the case in U.S. history, until 2010.
This has nothing to do with capable nominee Elena Kagan, who will almost surely be confirmed, as the court’s third Jewish justice, who is widely respected. But Protestants should still fill several seats on the high court, traditionally and democratically.
The Texas Perimeter Hike — Installment #9
— Fort Hancock resident to me, paraphrased
from the fence as possible, but I didn’t come all this way only to avoid sneaking a peek.
The fence is a massive, imposing structure, so big in fact that there should be an upgrade in vocabulary as between ‘sign’ and ‘billboard.’ I walked alongside a highway – the mega-fence on the other side – hoping this buffer zone would be sufficient enough to prove my citizenship. Little did I know that my first test would have little to do with buffers and metal dividers.
As I continued, I crossed the main passage between El Paso and Juarez. A traffic jam had occurred, and there was a cacophony of car honking. Above the cars, the inspection station, and the bridge was an enormous Mexican flag moving slowly in the strong wind, an ever-changing contour map of highs and lows.
When I got to Fort Hancock, I started hearing firsthand accounts of border woes. These stories had an altogether different tenor than the ones I heard from the interior of the state. I met one fellow who had a 9mm strapped to his waist and admitted that he frequently made citizen’s arrests, then called the border patrol. I was told that one family had
made 500 arrests in three years, and though unsubstantiated, the rumor brings to mind the kind of influx residents are facing.
You might be wondering how a backpacker like me can navigate these communities given that a good amount of foot travel in the area is illegal. I wondered the same thing. When I was passing my first checkpoint on Highways 62/180, I met a lot of border agents and explained my project. I talked with so many, in fact, that as I was hiking the next day some border agents waved and honked. This isn’t going to be so hard, I thought.
This, I found, was premature.
On my way out of Fort Hancock, I took a short break under a large cottonwood. I hadn’t been there ten minutes when I saw a border patrol jeep pass, then do a U-turn. I knew what was coming. The agent came and asked the usual questions, but when he asked if I had a criminal history, I tried to think if I had any outstanding traffic violations. He took my hesitation as guilt and for the remainder of our interaction, things went, as it were, south.
The agent asked for my ID and spoke to me like I was two minutes away from being busted. To say that his demeanor was merely unpleasant would be a compliment. While my background check was processing, he asked
if I would consent to having my bag inspected. What?! This question caught me completely off guard. I blubbered a bit, insulted at how far things had gone, but ultimately declined to give consent. My ID cleared, and the guy was silently incredulous. He was done with me.
This encounter, the conversations in Fort Hancock, and a gargantuan fence all point toward the greater truth of the region. Life seems normal enough, with the coming and going of people and cars and the quiet hours of rural Texas, but it is far from picturesque. The nighttime lights may shine as one huge clump of humanity, but when the sun comes up, the fence – both metal and human – remains as a testament to the darkness.
Smatt is the penname of S.Matt Read. A writer, inventor, baker, and hiker, he is currently hiking the entire outline of the state. Follow his adventure here and at www.texasperimeterhike.blogspot.com and www.twitter.com/perimeterhiker.