Hey! Hey! It’s Rush Limbaugh!
It’s official: Rush Limbaugh will never own an National Football League franchise. Ever. The Associated Press confirmed such was the case after an ESPN report said as much last week, though it was not clear whether the controversial conservative entertainer knew it as of deadline.
NFL Bidder Almost Sparks Ownership, Morality Debate
ST. LOUIS, Mo. — It’s official: Rush Limbaugh will never own an National Football League franchise. Ever.
The Associated Press confirmed such was the case after an ESPN report said as much last week, though it was not clear whether the controversial conservative entertainer knew it as of deadline.
“I’m not even thinking of exiting,” Limbaugh said on his radio program, according to ESPN last Wednesday
But in trying to own part of the St. Louis Rams, he almost sparked a wider debate about the morality of ownership.
Once the Missouri native placed his bid with a consortium for ownership of the losing football team, it seemed everyone that could spell “NFL” sullied his chances immediately.
In fact, the Rev. Al Sharpton hailed Limbaugh’s ouster as “a moral victory for all Americans — especially the players that have been unfairly castigated” by him.
NFL players certainly hated the idea and expressed their disgust for Limbaugh with rare outspokenness in a league notorious for silencing dissent within the ranks, according to The Nation’s sports correspondent Dave Zirin.
“It’s about as rare as a hair on (former Vice President) Dick Cheney’s head. This never happens,” he told guest host David Shuster on The Rachel Maddow Show.
And there’s a reason.
“It’s because there are not guaranteed contracts in the NFL. Speaking out on any social issue — let along the issue of ownership — is something that rarely happens,” Zirin said.
Disgust for Limbaugh is so ripe that the head of the NFL players union even encouraged players to speak out against him.
And they have — including the league’s stars, especially Donovan McNabb, a three-time Pro Bowler, winner of two consecutive NFC championship games, and runner-up for NFL MVP in his first full season as a starter.
McNabb, Pro-Bowler New York Jets LB Bart Scott, and New York Giants DE Mathias Kiwanuka said that they themselves wouldn’t work for Limbaugh given the choice between him and essentially a Satanic slave owner.
Scott told the New York Daily News, “I wouldn’t play for Rush Limbaugh. My principles are greater and I can’t be bought.”
That said, Scott also called Limbaugh a “jerk.”
Kiwanuka also said he wouldn’t work for Limbaugh even if his former coordinator, Steve Spagnuolo, coaches the Rams with Limbaugh at the helm.
“[Limbaugh] can do whatever he wants, it is a free country. But if it goes through, I can tell you where I am not going to play,” Kiwanuka told the Daily News.
Kiwanuka added that he wouldn’t mind if a possible owner made a foot-in-mouth comment that was racist, but Limbaugh has made a $400 million empire from them.
Of the racist comments Limbaugh made over the years, several targeted the NFL players; one in particular cost him his job as an ESPN analyst on “Sunday NFL Countdown” in 2003.
The job-coster was his reference to Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb who had just led his team to a 23-13 victory over the Buffalo Bills; Limbaugh said:
“Sorry to say this, I don’t think he’s been that good from the get-go, I think what we’ve had here is a little social concern in the NFL. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well. There is a little hope invested in McNabb, and he got a lot of credit for the performance of this team that he didn’t deserve. The defense carried this team.”
In 2007, he repeated the same idea in his 2003 comment: “If 100 percent of the players in the National Football League were black, the sports media would still treat them as though they just escaped bondage and, in fact, are still in it.”
And this year, Limbaugh compared members of NFL teams to street gangsters: “They’re up next against the Crips and the Bloods, the Baltimore Ravens… The Steelers have become bird exterminators now.”
He even said the same thing in January 2007: “The NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and Crips without any weapons. There, I said it.”
Yup, he said it.
White players have also voiced outrage against Limbaugh, according to Zirin.
“This is not about black and white. This is not about left and right. This is about right and wrong,” he said.
But seeing as they don’t want a permenant controversy around their necks, owners of NFL franchises have gotten lippy against the cigar-smoking talk show host, too.
Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay told the Los Angeles Times that Limbaugh could become a team owner over his dead body.
“When there are comments that have been made that are inappropriate, incendiary and insensitive… our words do damage, and it’s something we don’t need,” he said.
However, while NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has poo-pooed “divisive” comments from persons of resposibility in the league, the NFL itself has stopped short of ousting Limbaugh’s bid.
“I obviously do not believe those comments are positive and they are divisive. That’s a negative thing for us, obviously,” said Goodell.
If the league took the advice of MSNBC talk show host Chris Matthews, Limbaugh’s head will meet a fate not unlike the villain in the James Bond film “Live And Let Die.”
“I have to tell you. Rush Limbaugh is beginning to look more and more like Mr. Big, and at some point somebody is going to jam a CO2 and he’s going to explode like a giant blimp,” Matthews said last week. “That day may come.”
Matthews’ MSNBC collegue Keith Olbermann, however, had a more non-violent approach to Limbaugh: let him have it.
In his “Worst Person in the World” segment, Olbermann, a former ESPN anchor himself, gave Limbaugh’s critics the world’s worst spot. Said Olbermann:
“There’re now gonna be character tests for sports owners? There’ll only be three of them left. Unless they beat the Vikings Sunday as of next Thursday it will have been a full year since the Rams won a game. My God, if Limbaugh wants to buy them far be it for me to tell him he’s flushing his money down a rat hole,”
To defend himself, Limbaugh appeared on the NBC’s The Today Show last week, claiming that he’s not an entertainer but a satirist and that his critics quote him out of context.
“Most of my critics don’t even listen to me; they are clueless,” Limbaugh said.
But Limbaugh, apparently, listens to his critics; to his 21 million regular radio listeners, he referred to Zirin, Bryan Burwell of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, and Drew Sharp of the Detroit Free Press as “scum.”
To Limbaugh, it’s all a day’s work to promote himself and his show.
“I know how to yank their chain,” he told The Today Show, referring to the mainstream media. “I know how to send them into insanity. I know how to make them spend the next two days talking about me.”
Six Farmers Arrested For Planting Hemp At DEA Office
Six farmers were arrested last week for attempting to plant hemp seeds on the lawn of federal Drug Enforcement Administration offices.
BISMARCK, N.D. — Six farmers were arrested last week for attempting to plant hemp seeds on the lawn of federal Drug Enforcement Administration offices.
Among the five was Wayne Hauge, a 51-year-old grandfather who grows garbanzo beans in northwestern North Dakota
Hemp, the 20 farmers attending the planting event, said that hemp has none of the mind-altering chemicals found in its cousin, the marijuana plant.
“My interest here was to show that hemp is just a crop. Hemp is not a drug,” Hauge told The Associated Press after five hours in jail.
A federal judge dismissed Hauge’s case against the DEA for not approving his state license to grow industrial hemp in 2007.
The judge suggested that the farmer take his plea to Congress.
Products made with hemp such as soap are already imported into the United States.
“He dug a better hole than anyone,” David Bronner, president of Escondido, Calif.-based Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soaps, said of Hauge after they planted about 1,000 hemp seeds on taxpayer property.
Clinton Cools Russian Anxiety Over Iran Sanctions
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton aimed to cool Moscow’s anxiety over the possibility of Western sanctions on Iran.
MOSCOW, Russia – Secretary of State Hillary Clinton aimed to cool Moscow’s anxiety over the possibility of Western sanctions on Iran.
She, on this first diplomatic trip there, however failed to win a strong public committment from Russia in case talks with Iran fail.
“We didn’t ask for anything today. We reviewed the situation and where it stood,” Clinton said.
The West, namely the United States, has wanted to impose sanction on Iran to try to prevent the Islamic Republic from developing nuclear weapons.
However, Clinton shifted the U.S. position from that of the previous administration which stood aggressively against Iran.
Iran has insisted that its nuclear program is for civilian energy needs.
Russia has supported Iran and has offered to supply its plants with enriched uranium as an alternative to Iran producing its own.
Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov stated after talks with Clinton that more diplomatic avenues are available to quell the situation.
“There are situations where sanctions are inevitable, when all other avenues are exhausted. But with Iran we are very far from this,” he said.
Enron’s Skilling To Challenge ‘Honest Services’ Law
The former chief executive of Enron Corp. is challenging the use of so-called “honest services” prosecutions in his 2006 fraud conviction.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The former chief executive of Enron Corp. is challenging the use of so-called “honest services” prosecutions in his 2006 fraud conviction.
Jeffrey Skilling’s lawyers will argue their client’s case before the U.S. Supreme Court this December.
Honest services prosecutions involve the federal government’s argument that a white-collar defendant committed fraud by stripping his company or the public of his honest services.
Using such arguments, Skilling was found guily, sentensed to 24 years in prison, and ordered to pay $45 million as a resuilt of his conviction for destroying the Houston-based energy company.
Skilling’s lawyers are to argue that the honest-services law is too vague and prone for abuse by federal prosecutors especially in private-sector cases.
Baucus Bill Faces Union Opposition
Unless it includes a Medicare-for-all type system, the healthcare reform bill approved by the Senate Finance Committee will face stiff opposition by 30 American labor unions.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Unless it includes a Medicare-for-all type system, the healthcare reform bill approved by the Senate Finance Committee will face stiff opposition by 30 American labor unions.
What is known as the Baucus Bill, named after the chairman of the committee, would also tax expensive healthcare policies, force employers to cover workers, and make insurance companies cover more people.
This bill is to join with liberal versions, according to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and brought to a full Senate vote by the end of the month.
The unions said through a lobbyist that they planned to run ads in newspapers voicing their opposition to the plan should it not have a government-run healthcare system.
The ad sponsored by the AFL-CIO and the Communications Workers of America, among others, stated, “Real health care reform and nothing less.”
Taxpayers To Spend More For Boeing Bombs
Defense contractors Boeing Co. and Northrop Grumman were given $51.9 million to build more bunker-busting bombs.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Defense contractors Boeing Co. and Northrop Grumman were given $51.9 million to build more bunker-busting bombs.
The bombs are said to be the largest non-nuclear weapon in the U.S. arsenal.
When asked, the Pentagon said that the weapon could be used on Iran or North Korea, though specific targets were denied.
“I don’t think anybody can divine potential targets,” Geoff Morrell, Pentagon press secretary, told CBC News.
The bomb weighs the 13.6-tonne massive ordnance penetrator (MOP) making only one able to be delivered via a B-2 Stealth bomber.
President Barack Obama has kept the military option open against Iran while speaking in lighter tones than the previous administration.
The MOP bomb can destroy reinforced concrete buildings underground.
Healthcare Spending To Continue In Spite Of Medical Malpractice Reform
Reforming medical malpractice laws will fail to reduce spending on healthcare in the United States, according to a new report.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Reforming medical malpractice laws will fail to reduce spending on healthcare in the United States, according to a new report.
Of total healthcare spending, only one percent each year (or $11 billion a year) will be cut as a result of caping damages, rewriting liability laws, and limiting the window to claim malpractice.
This evidence was released by the nonprofit Congressional Budget Office.
The report comes after Republicans claimed that malpractice reform would reduce spending by up to $200 billion.
Still, Republicans supported the report as evidence to their claims
“These numbers show that this problem deserves more than lip service from policymakers,” Sen. Orrin G. Hatch (R-Utah), who requested the analysis, said in a statement.
CNN Mocked For Fails To Fact Check GOP
A cable news network received the satirical end of a schtick for failing to fact check its own guests last week.
NEW YORK CITY, N.Y. – A cable news network received the satirical end of a schtick for failing to fact check its own guests last week.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart’s mockery came after CNN reviewed the truth behind a Saturday Night Live sketch that made fun of President Barack Obama.
“While you were doing your research did you also find that sharks live in water and don’t deliver candy grams. That there’s no African American equivalent of Mr. Rogers? And that the majority of boxes don’t have d*cks in them?” asked Stewart.
Stewart noted that when Republican lawmakers appeared on CNN, the cable news network had failed to question their claims about health care statistics.
The host pointed to Arizona Republican Sen. Jon Kyl’s bogus stat for medical malpractice reform that went unchecked by CNN’s John King
Instead of nailing Kyl for inflating his numbers, King merely said that his segment was “out of time.”
“Out of time?” Stewart shouted. “Your show’s four f*cking hours long!”
Doctor, Doctor
As Uncle Hugh used to say, “Doctors are not like outlaws. Doctors bury their mistakes. Outlaws bury their successes.”
As Uncle Hugh used to say, “Doctors are not like outlaws. Doctors bury their mistakes. Outlaws bury their successes.”
It occurs to me that I have lived too long to be famous.
To paraphrase Tom Lehrer, it is indeed a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he’d been dead 30 years.
And if you don’t know who Tom Lehrer is, I have, indeed, lived too long.
But I still expect that whatever good I have done will be interred with Caesar’s bones.
Consider Shelley, Byron, Keats, James Dean, JFK, Martin Luther King, Jesse Woodson James, Billy the Kid, Alexander the Great, Évariste Galois, and Ronald Reagan.
No, Reagan didn’t die young.
He merely should have; proof that longevity is no friend of humankind.
Note what a friend death has been to Marilyn Monroe.
Now, consider the American health care network and its self-immolating success at the art of extortion.
Oh? What would you call someone who told you that you would die painfully and humiliatingly unless you paid them a great deal of money, even to the choice of bankruptcy or death?
You would probably call him, “doctor.”
Or an insurance agent.
Now consider this: What do you call the person who graduates last in his medical school class?
Doctor.
And if he’s willing to work cheaply enough, you call him an HMO-approved physician.
Still, the system has been extraordinarily good at keeping people alive.
With assistance from cleaner water and air, sewer systems located at greater distances from our homes, extermination and exclusion of vermin, regular bathing and foodstuffs that have enjoyed the benefits of refrigeration.
Has it occurred to anyone else that medical science takes far too much credit for our increased longevity, considering that the profession survived for centuries on the phenomena that most sick people simply get well on their own, regardless of bleeding, exorcism, and purging?
But we are going broke at the expense of medical science, or at least so actuarial medical science would have you believe, because we are living longer.
So some of you people are just going to have to die sooner so that doctors, hospitals, and insurance companies can continue getting rich.
Any volunteers?
Of course none of that is true of my doctor.
I like my doctor.
Which is why we choose our doctors.
From a list of doctors permitted by our insurance companies.
And we certainly want to be able to choose our own doctors.
With the advice and consent of a bunch of insurance company guys we know nothing about, who certainly have our best interests at heart, rather than just making a lot of money.
Which is why we prefer their judgment over a bunch of public officials that we can vote out of office if we don’t like the way they run our health care.
But I digress.
A reasonable person wouldn’t care whether he likes his doctor.
My doctor, for example, doesn’t know much about politics or baseball or woodworking or gardening.
Which makes him a pretty lousy conversationalist.
All we talk about is what’s wrong with me.
He’s not my friend.
He’s my most personal plumber and electrician; I hired him on the recommendation from a variety of sources that he is very good at what he does, and that he explains in lucid detail what and why he does it in my case.
And neither of us plays golf.
Republicans Like Obama? Really?
The Gallup Poll had a surprising piece of news last week.
The news is that Republicans like President Barack Obama.
More startingly, Republicans liked it when Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize, the poll indicated.
According to the polls of Obama’s job approval rating, Republicans increased their support of the president from 12 percent (Oct. 3-5) to 20 percent (Oct. 9-11).
The spike certainly didn’t come from Democratic voters since they have remained a constant 83 percent behind their national political leader’s performance.
So now Gallup says after interviewing over 1,500 people that 56 percent of the Americans approve of Obama’s job.
Some may argue that Republicans are just supporting the office of the president, not the secret Muslim socialist, communist, fascist currently holding that office.
However, it’s more likely that Republican voters who took the poll simply misunderstood the question and answered without thinking, much like how their political leaders operate.
They probably thought they heard that Osama — as in “Osama bin Ladin” — won the Peace Prize and backed their president accordingly.
Or perhaps Republican voters thought that they themselves had won a “Peas” Prize from some agricultural clearinghouse and are now tragically expecting to have their first rounds of lifetime supplies of peas delivered to their homes any minute.
Or perhaps Republicans really do have hearts.
Naw.
But anyway you look at it, the Prize’s target says less about the receiver than the giver, namely the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, namely Norwegians with nothing better to do than to mess with the domestic affairs of the United States.
And they did it so poorly, too.
Aagot Valle, who according to the Associated Press is a left-wing Norwegian politician who joined the Nobel panel this year, said that she expected disagreement on giving Obama the prize.
“But what I want now,” she said, “is that we seriously raise a discussion regarding nuclear disarmament.”
Good luck with that, Aagot.
Like that discussion is going to happen in the United States where our whole economy is based on making war, not BMWs, cell phones, and whicker.
But that’s what you get when you have a self-serving, do-gooder agenda.
Take Afghanistan.
Last week, after Obama said he didn’t deserve the prize, he deployed another 45,000 troops to Afghanistan, according to the BBC.
And to do what exactly?
Make sure that no other country has the monopoly on war machines.
— Nathan Diebenow
Reid: Flu Vaccine Terrorism, Genocide
Dear Editor,
Some doctors promote vaccinations, but other doctors speak against vaccinations. Many healthy people, who took vaccinations, have become sick and died. Most people were not told about bad vaccination results. For medical treatments we should be educated and have a right to say no. Most U.S. children during the first year after birth have 20 vaccinations and 36 before school attendance. I read that each year 5,000 U.S. children die from vaccinations.
Many people, who took the 1976 Swine flu vaccination, became paralyzed and some died. The recent Swine flu vaccination has many toxic ingredients, including squalene. Squalene was used in a vaccination resulting in Gulf War Syndrome which I read resulted in many thousands of soldiers dead. The U.S. military leaders require that the soldiers take the recent Swine flu vaccination.
The WHO and CDC suggest some of the first people in the general population for Swine flu vaccination to be health care workers. Since a country needs a health care system, some wars include bombing hospitals. A toxic vaccination causing death to many health care workers is as effective as bombing hospitals.
Pandemic laws, which were made in opposition to the true intent of the U.S. Bill of Rights, may be enforced to mandate vaccinations for most of us. The Swine flu vaccination situation amounts to crimes, murders, terrorism, genocide, and war. I hope a lawsuit will get the Swine flu vaccination prevented. If not, other actions will be needed, perhaps impeachments and recalls.
Deborah Reid
Durham, NC
Where Babies Can Come From
A lot of banks are in trouble these days, but at least one seems to be doing fine. It’s a sperm bank. Years ago, when we first heard about sperm banks, people speculated that women would want to have the fathers of their babies be geniuses, or financial wizards, or great athletes. Some thought that the most talented and famous men in the world would be the most desirable donors. But sperm banks never saw people like Bill Gates or Placido Domingo banging down their doors.
A lot of banks are in trouble these days, but at least one seems to be doing fine. It’s a sperm bank. Years ago, when we first heard about sperm banks, people speculated that women would want to have the fathers of their babies be geniuses, or financial wizards, or great athletes. Some thought that the most talented and famous men in the world would be the most desirable donors. But sperm banks never saw people like Bill Gates or Placido Domingo banging down their doors.
However, now at least one of these banks has come up with what it feels is a solution: celebrity look-alike donors. If you would like to have a baby with George Clooney but can’t get past his security guards, now you can have a baby with someone who looks like George Clooney.
Southern California’s Cryobank has a list of look-alikes that someone considering artificial insemination can check out on their computer. The woman scrolls down the list and finds the name of a celebrity she likes. Next, all she has to do is click and then she’ll learn a bit about this look-alike. This information might include his hobbies, his build, and maybe his favorite color. This reminds me of the typical old Playboy Centerfold’s info in which we learned that the young lady’s “pet peeve” was “sometimes in the sun, I freckle,” and her favorite thing was “to shop for shoes.” But nobody was signing up to have a child with them.
In our example, the prospective recipient doesn’t even get to see a picture of the Clooney look-alike along with his info. That would be a breach of anonymity. All she sees is a picture of the actual George Clooney and an I.D. number that represents the donor.
It would be weird and superficial enough if a woman would choose a donor based on his looks. But these women are choosing a donor because he looks like somebody whose looks they like!
And how closely do these donors really resemble the celebrities? Cryobank’s Scott Brown puts it like this: “It’s not that our donors look like celebrities, it’s that celebrities look like our donors.” In other words, there might be some resemblance.
Despite all of the obvious negatives, I have to say that there is one aspect of this process that piqued my interest: I never expected to see Clay Aiken, Errol Flynn, and Prince William on the same list. Yet those names, as well as Harry Belafonte, Jeremy Piven and Manny Ramirez are all on Cryobank’s look-alike list. If you want your baby to look like somebody famous who’s short, you’re out of luck. Donors must be at least 5’9″. This leaves me out, so I guess all those women who find columnists attractive will just have to look elsewhere.
There is another feature that is no surprise in these economic times: if you can’t pay cash for getting pregnant in this manner, payment plans are available. This gives a whole new meaning to buying on “layaway.” I can just imagine the difficult decision at bill-paying time: should I pay off some of my car insurance or my preggy plan?
I get nervous that I won’t get what I really want when ordering a pair of running shoes online. How can anyone feel comfortable planning their family by using the internet? Wouldn’t you worry for the whole nine months that if you ordered a “Joe Montana” you might end up with a “Joe Mantegna?” What are you going to do then, send the baby back in a postage paid box?
However, as I looked further into Cryobank’s services, I found that choosing a donor in this fashion is not as strange, not as casual, and not as foolish as it may seem at first blush. I learned that those women in the look-alike program don’t have to choose a donor based solely on his looks. There’s something else that can help them make this big decision. It’s an intelligent, scientific way for them to learn everything they could possibly want about “their man.” You see, for an extra $25, Cryobank will provide you with an analysis of your donor’s handwriting.
(Lloyd Garver has written for many television shows, ranging from “Sesame Street” to “Family Ties” to “Home Improvement” to “Frasier.” He has also read many books, some of them in hardcover. He can be reached at lloydgarver@gmail.com. Check out his website at lloydgarver.com and his podcasts on iTunes.)
A Boy And His Camping Tool
As a young lad of seven, I fell in with a gang of wicked junior reprobates. Absolutely no girls were allowed into this group. Initiation rituals were required to be completed by inductees prior to admission; acceptance into the crew allowed members the privilege of wearing the confederacy’s “colors” and specific ‘hood designations.
As a young lad of seven, I fell in with a gang of wicked junior reprobates.
Absolutely no girls were allowed into this group. Initiation rituals were required to be completed by inductees prior to admission; acceptance into the crew allowed members the privilege of wearing the confederacy’s “colors” and specific ‘hood designations.
We held secretive small-group gatherings every week, augmented by larger, full-chapter clandestine indoctrination sessions once each month.
The optimum age for recruitment was seven or eight years, when the subject’s mind was still free of clutter and open to manipulation and inducement.
We carried knives, received training in the use of such weapons as hatchets and rope, and were taught myriad ways to start and utilize fire (even without matches).
One of the most common, and earliest, items we learned to make was the pointed stick, potentially a weapon capable of dastardly devilry.
Upon being allowed to wear the colors, I was awarded my very own knife, replete with several blades of varying sizes and uses; a screwdriver; can and bottle opener; and fold-out fork and spoon — should there be an unforeseen silverware shortage.
The entire utensil was small enough to fit into any second grade dude’s pants pocket.
Because it was a Cub Scout knife.
And the “gang” which I had joined was the Cub Scouts, the junior division of the Boy Scouts of America.
I had willingly and enthusiastically become a member of an organization that would teach me how to help and honor my community, family, church, school, etc., through activities of a shocking nature, stealthily referred to as “good deeds.”
My assimilation into this horrendous conclave was approved fully by my parents.
Once I had gotten that tool known as a “Cub Scout knife,” I never left home without it — until I turned 11, “graduated” to the Boy Scouts, and replaced such a childish implement with the larger, more potent Boy Scout knife.
That, too, I carried with me everywhere, until it became clear when I was in seventh grade that engaging in Boy Scoutism was symptomatic of being uncool.
As to the typical Cub Scout knife, the main blade was about as dull as a cheap steak knife; the only damage to any living human being came on the several occasions I clumsily closed it on my own fingers.
As for the other blades and accessories, they proved handy on numerous occasions, such as when my bicycle needed a quick fix, or a bit of rust had to be scraped away from a spigot, I got thirsty, and so on.
I cannot remember ever actually eating with the fork or spoon, but I’m certain that they were put to good use at some point.
There undoubtedly were several instances when Sister Mary Frustrated saw me with the tool and took it away, but, because it was an official Scout knife and associated with my sanctioned posse, at the end of the day my doohickey was returned along with the strong suggestion I keep it in my pocket on school grounds.
Now, let us fast-forward 50 years, to Newark — a city in Delaware, one of the original 13 Colonies that chose detachment from the oppression of the King in favor of freedom.
Zachary Christie, a six-year-old first grader in the Christina School District, had just become a member of the Cub Scouts; as such, he was presented with an official Cub Scout camping tool, aka knife.
The child, who is described by his mother, Debbie, as such a serious student he sometimes wears a suit and tie to school, was so excited about becoming a Scout that he brought his new utensil to use at lunch.
Because young Zachary was in violation of Christina’s zero tolerance policy that bans knives being carried by students, this innocent child has been suspended.
The district’s solution to such a ghastly breach by this evil six-year-old is a 45-day stint at its reform school.
Reform school!
Once again, utter madness raises its ugly head in the form of a “zero tolerance policy” that blankets every student, no matter what age, for any minor offense, however slight.
The rationale behind this unreasonably preposterous position was elucidated by George Evans, Christina school board president: “There is no parent who wants to get a phone call where they hear that their child no longer has two good seeing eyes because there was a scuffle and someone pulled out a knife.”
Yes, he invoked the all-encompassing classic “You’ll shoot/poke your eye out” defense of being too lazy or ignorant to deal with each student and situation on an individual basis.
Any student is equally as capable of poking out someone’s eye with a pencil or pen, or scissors, or any one of a number of potential “weapons” that can be found in any classroom at any given time; hell, the plastic knife or spork issued to kids in any school cafeteria could be used to produce some sort of permanent damage.
School administrators, from classroom teachers to principals, need to have the leeway to treat each infraction on a case-by-case basis. Even residents of the Christina district are dismayed that there is no room for discretion within the school itself.
Let’s face it — most of these inane policies are decided upon by school boards that are composed not of educators, rather, they’re made up of local politicians of the lowest order, egoistic do-gooders who could never get elected to anything as lofty as an aldermanic seat, or even dog catcher.
And far too many of the ersatz “educators” who spend all day, 200 or days each year with your children, haven’t a clue as to how to deal with the least little ripple in the waters of absolute conformity.
Mr. Evans’ statement is all the more absurd when one takes into account that this is a six-year-old kid who is nothing but studious and sweet.
He takes karate lessons, so the last thing he would do is pull a weapon on an adversary; the student of martial arts is far more likely to avoid an altercation than most children.
Not only that, but I sincerely doubt another child engaging young Zachary in pugilism is going to wait patiently during the minute or so it would take the boy to reach into his pocket or backpack, find and remove the knife, then work his little fingers to expose the blade.
Overreaction by school officials to a minor error is the best way to insure a student will learn to distrust, even hate, the system. As I’ve written before, zero tolerance = zero sense, and a huge deterrent to the love of education.
Anyone who wishes to come to Zachary’s aid can do so by visiting the Website his mother has created, helpzachary.com.
With far more insight than the adults who have created this monstrous bastardization of jurisprudence, Zachary expressed his trepidation regarding a return to school thusly: “I just think the other kids may tease me for being in trouble, but I think the rules are what is wrong, not me.”
Shalom.
(Erstwhile Philosopher and former Educator Jerry Tenuto is a veteran who survived, somewhat emotionally intact, seven years in the U.S. Army. Despite a penchant for late-night revelry, he managed to earn BS and MA Degrees in Communications from Southern Illinois University at Carbondale. On advice from a therapist, he continues to bang out his weekly “Out Of The Blue” feature in The Lone Star Iconoclast — providing much-needed catharsis. Jerry is also licensed to perform marriage ceremonies in 45 states.)
$ky-high Property Taxes: Are We Still Under British Colonial Rule?
How soon we forget… It was only a few hundred years ago that American colonialists were pressured into breaking away from their mother country due to harsh tax laws. It wasn’t an easy decision for the citizens to consider forming into a young nation without retaining ties to England.
How soon we forget…
It was only a few hundred years ago that American colonialists were pressured into breaking away from their mother country due to harsh tax laws. It wasn’t an easy decision for the citizens to consider forming into a young nation without retaining ties to England.
Taxation is not a new idea. Tax structures have been prevalent since ancient times. Taxes represent a transfer of wealth from citizens of a society to the ruling class of that nation. Taxation was noted in the Bible, in which tax collectors were hated with passion. Almost anything may be taxed and there are many methods to apply taxation.
History first documents tax records applied back in ancient Egypt, where taxpayers were expected to provide a significant portion of the agricultural produce they cultivated from lands to the ruling class.
The Romans created the first known toll tax for using roadways. Traveling on Roman-built roads was a privilege of those who could afford to pay the designated toll tax. Apparently, some things never change.
In our society today, no one — NO ONE — can explain honestly and intelligently why in a depression/recession of this magnitude, with ongoing job losses, long-term unemployment and ever-increasing home foreclosures, along with a treacherously crumbling housing/real estate market, that appraisal values continue to escalate dramatically.
In fact, appraisal districts seem to feel entitled to raise annual appraisals without real justification.
Not only is the property tax system illegal as is, it is an infantilizing, inadequate and financially oppressive system — much as the one forced upon American colonialists by King George of England.
Here in Texas, for many years Governor Rick Perry and members of the legislature have diverted various and significant fiscal state responsibilities onto local county and city governments, who then are motivated to increase property taxes on their residents. Governments of other U.S. states have done the same. It is clear that “History repeats itself.”
Those in power today seem to have forgotten that the United States of America emerged from England’s oppressive taxing structure via a revolution. Other nations, e.g., France, have done the same. Unfair taxation and an overburdened population were the primary reasons that the colonies rebelled and broke-away from British rule. Apparently, some things never change and those in power seem to forget the lessons history tries to teach us.
The current property tax systems unfairly overburdens U.S. citizens. It is only a matter of time before “the backs” of taxpayers are fiscally broken. Our rulers are blind to that fact. Will it take another revolution to highlight the need for expedient resolution?
(Peter Stern of Driftwood, Texas, a former director of information services, university professor and public school administrator, is a Disabled Vietnam Veteran and holds three post-graduate degrees.)
No Pumpkin-Carving Experience Is Complete Without A Near-Fatal Knife Wound
Carving a jack-o-lantern used to require little more than a pumpkin, an oversized kitchen knife, and a tourniquet. It was a simple matter of plunging a 10-inch French knife into the gourd of your choice and creating a triangle-eyed, square-toothed masterpiece of horror.
Carving a jack-o-lantern used to require little more than a pumpkin, an oversized kitchen knife, and a tourniquet. It was a simple matter of plunging a 10-inch French knife into the gourd of your choice and creating a triangle-eyed, square-toothed masterpiece of horror.
In those days, the trickiest thing about making your jack-o-lantern was deciding on how to light the candle.
Option one: Light candle, then attempt to lower it into the pumpkin without catching your sleeve on fire.
Option two: Put the candle inside the pumpkin first. Then attempt to light it without catching your sleeve on fire.
Option three: Accept the inevitable and just light yourself on fire, then go find a candle.
After a quick trip to the emergency room for stitches and some light skin grafting, you could return home and set your jack-o-lantern on the porch, where it would remain until gravity and molecular breakdown eventually caused it to collapse in on itself like the birth of a new star — appropriately enough, usually around Christmas time.
But somewhere along the way, things have gotten complicated. The 10-inch French knife — once the pumpkin-carver’s tool of choice — has been replaced by kits that include sophisticated, high-precision instruments that, aside from creating fancy Halloween scenes on your pumpkin, can also be used, if necessary, to perform an emergency triple-bypass.
The first time I saw one of these kits was a few years ago on Good Morning America, when Martha Stewart was re-creating the flying monkey scene from The Wizard of Oz on the face of an 800-pound pumpkin.
After scooping out the insides with a back-hoe (which she had forged herself out of recycled Mason jar lids), Stewart demonstrated how anyone could sculpt their own gourd into a Halloween Mecca by first creating a simple pattern using common household items, such as a dry-erase marker, overhead projector, and $300,000 movie still.
In spite of this newfound knowledge, I kept with tradition because it’s hard to imagine any Halloween without a near-fatal knife wound to reminisce about.
That was until this year, when my children quietly took me aside and told me our pumpkins always look… how did they put it?
Oh yeah.
Really stupid.
Being a father dedicated to his children’s happiness, I of course told them that I appreciated and respected their honesty. After which I told them Halloween had actually been cancelled this year, and that we would be proceeding directly to Arbor Day. That’s assuming that Santa and the Easter Bunny were still missing.
I didn’t really say that! Ha! Ha!
Okay — so I did.
The important thing is that my children have learned to laugh HEARTILY whenever their therapist brings the subject up.
As you’ve probably guessed, I gave in and bought a fancy carving kit this year. The first thing I discovered about these kits is that, once spread out, the assortment of tools bares a striking resemblance to an operating tray on Grey’s Anatomy; lots of shiny things that look sharp but appear to serve no obvious purpose.
Next, there are the instructions, which describe how the tools can be used to create any of the following As Seen on TV! images:
1) Witch riding broom across moon.
2) Black cat with hair standing on end.
3) Bat sitting on tombstone.
4) Martha Stewart.
Included in the kit are four patterns, along with a list of the really cool patterns which, naturally, are sold separately. Knowing how important this was to my children, I was willing to make one final trip to the store in order to obtain the blueprints to our ultimate pumpkin masterpiece:
Martha Stewart hitting bat with tombstone.
Of course, by the time you read this, we will have already completed our jack-o-lantern. I promise to share the details with you.
Just as soon as I put these flames out.
(You can write to Ned Hickson at the Siuslaw News at P.O. Box 10, Florence, OR 97439, or nhickson@thesiuslawnews.com.)
Productive Waiting
In past articles we have looked at the importance of goal setting and working to bring them to fruition. I stand by that as a necessary element to get ahead. I also suggest the balance of waiting. Here’s what I mean…
Life is not a dress rehearsal. Live in the now and enjoy today. Always waiting for the tomorrow that has no promise of being, shows a discontent with the present. Ironically, when longed for riches do eventually come, most yearn for a simpler time. It is the struggles that make us strong.
Consider the seed. My then four year old grandson was drawing and said to me, “Come here, Nana, I want to teach you something.” He had illustrated a plant’s growth starting with a seed, to growing underground, to pushing through earth, to fragile leaves, to a full bloom flower. His insight was, “Even though you can’t see anything happening, it is still growing.”
Plan for relative wait time. They happen every day: checkout line at supermarket, bank deposit, traffic snarl, someone to get back with you. Use it productively.
Refuse to engage in irrelevant wait time. Do not waste today through nonproductive mental activities such as pining for a better job, wanting the children to grow up, or longing for reduced responsibilities. Do not mindlessly waiting for a future event or some solution to magically happen or fantasying about success, fame and fortune.
Life is a constant. It is today. You can improve your circumstances but not necessarily life. Be careful how you build thereon.
Life is conflicting. An individual can be content and still suffer lack. One can have outer wealth and inner poverty. I call it a restless contentment.
Expectant waiting. Be fully engaged in today and alert to the divine. Be at east with uncertainty. Do not be restless with today. “Beauty arises in the stillness of your presence.”
Out of the mouth of babes. A few years back we vacationed in the hills of Missouri and my grandchildren and I re-enacted Little House in the Big Woods. For hours we foraged for materials — rocks, limbs, and random treasures – to building our house. It rained the next two days and then they had to go home. We never got to play in our project. Katie said, “That’s okay, Nana, the most fun is in the building anyway.”
The consciously looking forward to, the energetic creativity, the joy of accomplishment, the fun of teamwork — this is what makes the now so special. Revel in it.
(Mona Dunkin is a Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach. Read past articles at www.monadunkin.blogspot.com. Contact her at mdunkin@flash.net.)
Rodeo Champ Was The Real King Of The Cowboys
The long reign of the real King of the Cowboys came to a sudden and tragic end on Oct. 20, 1947, when “Wild Horse Bob” Crosby died in a one-car crash near his New Mexico ranch.
The long reign of the real King of the Cowboys came to a sudden and tragic end on Oct. 20, 1947, when “Wild Horse Bob” Crosby died in a one-car crash near his New Mexico ranch.
Robert Anderson Crosby might never have been born had his father not played his cards right. The Texas Ranger eliminated his rival for the attentions of an Austin schoolteacher in a winner-takes-all hand of draw poker.
The lawman turned to ranching and moved to Midland, where Bob was born in 1897. He rode his first horse at the tender age of three, when his father boosted him onto the saddle and gave him the choice to “stay put or fall off.” The little boy stayed put.
An early chapter in the Crosby legend was written the day Bob, who could still count his years on his fingers, and older brother Harold roped 200 steers for a tick inspector. At 13 he entered his first rodeo and embarrassed 11 grown men by taking top honors in steer roping.
Not long after that a visiting celebrity told the teenager he was more than ready for the rodeo big time. Bob may have doubted the sincerity of Will Rogers’ encouraging words or possibly felt it was time to put aside childish things. Wedding bells were right around the corner, and his father would need a full-time hand on the family’s new cattle spread in New Mexico.
When bad weather and worse beef prices pushed the Crosbys to the brink of foreclosure in 1920, their banker came up with an ingenious way for them to make the mortgage payment. He suggested that young Bob test his storied talent at the annual rodeo in Yankee Stadium and advanced him $250 for traveling expenses.
Under the circumstances, the nervous novice could hardly say no. He returned with $1,250 in prize money, cash compensation for two blue ribbons, and a dream-come-true career. To prove the windfall was not beginner’s luck, he made the long trip back to New York the very next month and collected $1,860 in winnings at Madison Square Garden.
By 1928 Crosby had earned enough on his rodeo rounds to pay off the mortgage on the family ranch. That was also the year he was given permanent custody of the Roosevelt Trophy, the annual honor bestowed on the cowboy scoring the most points at Pendleton and Cheyenne, after winning the coveted award for an unprecedented third time.
Crosby was a Jekyll and Hyde with spurs. Outside the arena he was a perfect gentleman who never gambled, drank hard liquor, smoked or chewed tobacco or uttered a four-letter word stronger than “foot.” But inside the arena he was “Wild Horse Bob,” a gladiator on horseback who would have been right at home in the Roman Coliseum.
Yet even those critics that objected to his hellbent-for-leather tactics never questioned his extraordinary courage. Crosby proved in 1930 that he was not only the best all-around rodeo performer but the toughest as well.
In January a horse fell on him at Phoenix pulling a knee clean out of the socket. A month later at Tucson, a steer gored him in the thigh. With blood gushing out both sides of the skewered leg, he limped to his camp wagon and filled the gaping wound with coal oil. He saddled up the following day and rode to victory.
While practicing his steer-wrestling technique in April, Crosby caught a hoof in the face. A cowhand, who rushed to his aid, fainted at the gruesome sight of a dangling eyeball. Seventeen stitches in the eyelid and four more in the eyeball repaired the damage, but he had to endure two months of inactivity waiting for his vision to clear.
Four days after the doctors okayed Crosby for competition, he broke his leg at Prescott, Arizona. It was the fifth fracture for the accident-prone limb, and this time it developed gangrene.
Crosby went to the Mayo Clinic for treatment, where world-renown specialists advised amputation. But the pig-headed patient changed his mind on the operating table and startled the surgical team with the gruff announcement that he was going home.
Back at his 50,000-acre ranch outside Roswell, Crosby asked his brother to call “the sorriest doctor you know.” Harold grinned, “I know just the man. He hasn’t had a case in two years.”
The unpopular physician cut open the infected leg on the kitchen table, and “Wild Horse Bob” helped him scrape the bone with his trusty pocketknife. The home remedy must have done the trick because by fall the cowboy king again reigned supreme on the rodeo circuit.
Though 50 years old and forced by his insurance company to give up bulldogging and bronc riding, Crosby showed no sign of slowing down much less retiring. “I was born on a horse, and I want to die on a horse,” the ageless wonder said in 1946 interview.
“Wild Horse Bob” Crosby died with his boots on alright, but he was holding a steering wheel instead of the reins. In the end, the highway was more hazardous to his health than the rodeo arena.
(Bartee Haile welcomes your comments, questions and suggestions at haile@pdq.net or P.O. Box 152, Friendswood, TX 77549. And come on by www.twith.com for a visit!)
The 72 Hour Rule: Read The Bill
Unfortunately, our current national leadership has scotched that understanding. Thousand-page federal bills with trillion-dollar price tags rushed through Congress are becoming the norm, disturbing to many voters.
Too many in the current Congress belittle their constituents’ requests to read the bills and make the actual bill language available to the public. ”We don’t have time to read the bills and voters would misunderstand them.” The U.S. Congress might reflect on what these monstrously complex bills create – the solemn force of U.S. law.
Last month, the Polling Company found that 95 percent of Americans believe that Congress should not vote on bills until read in full. A recent Zogby poll found that 91 percent supported posting all non-emergency legislation on the Internet for three days prior to final passage.
Last June, a bipartisan team of House members — including John Culberson (TX-R), Brian Baird (WA-D) and Greg Walden (OR-R) — filed HR 554 to bind Congress to a 72-hour online access rule. Although the bill garnered rare bipartisan support, it could not get out of committee.
In late September, these members tried another path and filed a discharge petition to bring the bill directly to the floor. The discharge petition now has 182 of the required 218 signatures.
Not only has there been no traction in the U.S. Senate, the Senate Finance Committee narrowly rejected an amendment to its health care bill requiring 72-hour online access to the final bill.
The importance of allowing time for legislators and the public to read the final language of a bill before floor votes has long been recognized in federal and state legislative procedures. The U.S. Congress already has rules requiring all bills to be read orally three times in entirety, with a 24-hour interval after first reading and a week interval between second and third readings. Both chambers, however, readily suspend those rules.
There are short bills with minimal cost or controversy, and there are massive bills with unprecedented cost and consequence. This year’s record-setting bills unquestionably merit sufficient time and access for legislator and voter scrutiny.
The leviathan 1,500-page climate bill passed by the House was described by a proponent as “the most complex piece of legislation in U.S. history.” With 1,000 new mandates and cost of $822 billion, the climate bill was rammed through the House floor in less than a day. The final language, including a 300-page amendment, appeared at 3 a.m. the morning of passage.
In February, the $887 billion stimulus bill passed by a swift and forced march to floor vote. Members had access to the final bill only 12 hours before floor action began. And now, the health care ”concept papers” with trillion dollar costs bounce around committees without actual bill language available to a most interested public or even the CBO.
In his campaign, President Barack Obama promised to restore transparency by posting final bills on a website for five days before he signed them. Since taking office, he has effectively abandoned that pledge.
What a bizarre issue in our democracy! What justification exists for Congress to pass laws they have not read and to refuse to make bills available to the public before final passage? Patronizing dismissal of the electorate’s capability to grasp bill language might not be wise for those hired to represent them.
“This is not a partisan issue; it’s an American issue,” Baird and Culberson wrote in a letter on the 72-hour rule. “It’s high time to deliver the change that ensures the rank and file representatives and Americans across the nation receive full transparency in the legislative process.”
Law is a most solemn product of our representative democracy. It concretizes the will of the supreme power of the state and binds all citizens to obey. Indeed, the fate of nations has been shaped by wise and unwise laws.
Take the time. Our Congress must not only read these bills but let us do the same.
(Kathleen Hartnett White is Distinguished Senior Fellow in Residence and Director of the Armstrong Center for Energy & the Environment at the Texas Public Policy Foundation, a non-profit, free-market research institute based in Austin. White is the former Chair of the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality.)