Men And Shopping

When my mother and father shopped together (rarely) for anything other than food, it went like this:  My father visited the men’s section or tool section or whatever. If (when) my mother ventured toward women’s clothing, shoes or accessories, he’d say, “Let’s go home now, Rose. I’m tired.” Some things never change.  Dad was a wonderful man, and Mom and I joked about his little shopping trick. (He thought we fell for it every time). We always knew it was coming —could practically predict the precise moment. It was OK. Mom preferred to shop with her sister.When my mother and father shopped together (rarely) for anything other than food, it went like this:  My father visited the men’s section or tool section or whatever. If (when) my mother ventured toward women’s clothing, shoes or accessories, he’d say, “Let’s go home now, Rose. I’m tired.” Some things never change.  Dad was a wonderful man, and Mom and I joked about his little shopping trick. (He thought we fell for it every time). We always knew it was coming —could practically predict the precise moment. It was OK. Mom preferred to shop with her sister.

Zack will order from a catalog if possible. He doesn’t worry about the price, because he doesn’t order often. It’s the speed of the transaction that draws him. See it. Want it. Buy it. Done. —All from the comfort of one’s own home. Then the item appears like magic one day with Dwayne (our UPS guy) or Sherry (our mail carrier). I’ve mentioned before that when we drive into “the big city” to shop, we always find time for the tobacconist, stores for tools, home improvement,  sporting goods, tractor supplies, men’s clothing , the Army Navy Store, places that sells ammunition, or the men’s section of department stores in malls. Zack almost always has manly stops to make. Then suddenly he’s had enough, and my errands must wait. (See how that works? Just like my father. Rather endearing in a comic sort of way. And it’s OK. I prefer to shop alone or with my daughter. And there’s always eBay).

Whether shopping for a fine wool suit, a brisket, or an auto hammer, Zack can be in and out of a store faster than greased lightning. He usually knows what he wants, finds it, makes the purchase as quickly as possible and leaves. To me, this is anathema to the entire creative shopping experience. It leaves me highly unsatisfied, sort of a retail therapy interruptus. I want to cruise the entire store, discovering things I need (that I didn’t actually realize until I saw them), getting ideas for projects, comparing prices, ingredients and quality. It takes me infinitely longer to shop than it takes Zack. And I tend to spend more money in the long run. Even if Zack must choose a suit, try it on, and stand to have alterations noted, he will still be out in about 20 minutes. This man can look at a wall of suits, pick the only one or two he finds remotely acceptable, and leave with no regrets or remorse, never wondering if he should have looked for another cut or color.

My son Josh may be even worse than Zack. To avoid stores, he shops mainly on the Internet. To be fair, he has little time for shopping. He even looks on eBay (my new best friend). He hates to shop in “real stores.” But when he does, he needs help. He’s like a superhero suddenly rendered helpless and unsure. The fluorescent lights in the malls and stores hit him like kryptonite. He claims it’s something to do with astigmatism.  I secretly believe it’s a handy excuse so he can whine until the shopping is finished. When Josh was small, I was the one to take him shopping, and a more excruciating experience I rarely had. As he grew older, his sister helped, and she is infinitely more adept at it than I am, has better fashion sense regarding trends for young folks, and more knowledge. After a certain point, neither of us has much patience with my son, so we move as quickly as possible. In shopping with Josh, as in so many areas of life, timing is truly everything. Now his long-suffering girlfriend Beverly often steps in, bless her heart. What a wonderful, wonderful girl.

I suppose that with shopping, as so many other areas of life, men really ARE different.