Cackle Berries — Youthful Figure…
It Is
A youthful figure is something you get when you ask an older woman her age.
— U.S. Naval Depot, Ogden.
Closely Watched
Minister: “I do wish I could think of some way to make the members of the congregation pay attention to me when I’m preaching.”
Son: “Why don’t you put the clock right behind the pulpit?”
GOOD QUESTION:
WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
An End To Aggression Is Imperative
While health care legislation and political party battles have dominated proceedings of this 111th Congress, there are “number one” priorities that have gone unserved, mainly the economy and war.
First, Congress critically needs to limit spending drastically. The country is in a financial mess, not because of its inhabitants, but because of their government which went on a spending spree during the first 10 years of this century, a trend that continues today.
It is being called a recession, but for too many it is a depression; this depends upon who you ask. If you ask an elected official, it’s not much of a problem, he or she is taken care of. If you ask a middle-class worker where both the husband and wife are forced to work (if they can find a job) and they are barely scraping by, then it is a depression. Nearly every age bracket is in this category.
The trillions of dollars being appropriated to benefit major corporations will not solve the problem, nor will the empty promise of President Obama to fund new programs with money to be stolen from future generations of Americans. The burdens will overwhelm any token advances.
Congress must face the reality that it has caused the problem, somewhat due to its laxity in holding the Executive Branches of Presidents Bush and Obama accountable. But much of the blame goes to the hawkish endeavors to squat on the property of other nations and spend lavishly to gain control.
It is quite literally insane to believe that the U.S. armed forces can invade a Middle East Muslim country, establish a democratic government, and when leaving believe that this government will remain in power. Consider the gigantic costs that derive from these failures. The military debacle in Iraq instigated by one of the most crooked corporate servants alive, George W. Bush, does not justify the loss of thousands of American lives, including 30,000 disabled from our country, not to mention the many thousands of deaths, disfigurements, and losses piled upon innocent Iraqis. And this does not take into consideration the monetary loss to American taxpayers — hundreds of billions of dollars so badly needed here that were quite literally stolen by Bush and his conglomerates.
And now, Obama wants to go on his spending spree by expanding the war in Afghanistan. And, on the horizon, what are the costs going to be in Yemen or Somalia where to attempt to extract their money to benefit American corporations would most definitely be paid for — again — by taxpayers and the lives of our soldiers.
Remember this. “They” do not want us there. Our troops in any Muslim country causes resentment and an ever-expanding war scenario — acts aimed at further destroying the American economy.
Haiti, Palestine & Louisiana: Land Of No Cement
The main difference between Cuba and Haiti seems to be that Cuba finally gave up waiting around for the powers-that-be in Washington to do right by it and decided to go its own way — whereas Haiti was pretty much forced to stay sheltered under the wing of American corporatists’ benevolence for the past century. Cuba now offers all of its citizens a free education up to and past university level and there is no one starving in Cuba. Just compare that to the shape that Haiti is in now — and was in even before the earthquake.
http://jpstillwater.blogspot.com
The main difference between Cuba and Haiti seems to be that Cuba finally gave up waiting around for the powers-that-be in Washington to do right by it and decided to go its own way — whereas Haiti was pretty much forced to stay sheltered under the wing of American corporatists’ benevolence for the past century. Cuba now offers all of its citizens a free education up to and past university level and there is no one starving in Cuba. Just compare that to the shape that Haiti is in now — and was in even before the earthquake.
It’s the little things that count I guess.
The main difference between Vermont and some of our less fortunate states — states like Mississippi, Louisiana, California and others that had bought the whole “privatization” package and now appear to be on the verge of bankruptcy after having given a bunch of corporatist con-men all of their money — seems to be that Vermont didn’t fall for all that private-businesses-can-do-it-better corporate welfare propaganda crap being pumped out by the media. Instead, Vermont simply developed its own healthcare system, remained solvent and went its own way.
No matter what they may tell you, no one can make a profit from performing necessary-but-unprofitable functions that benefit the public — unless of course you either charge extra money to cover your profit margin as well as your goods and services or else deal out shoddy merchandise. Duh.
The main difference between Israel and Palestine appears to be that parts of Palestine have no cement. Israel apparently played ball with the American globalization rich kids and Palestine didn’t. And as a result, now no one is allowed to import CEMENT into Gaza. Cement? Can you imagine life without cement? If you can’t, stop by Gaza and see for yourself — if you can get in.
There’s a moral here somewhere and I personally believe that the moral is this: If you play ball with the Washington-driven “Ugly American” globalization One-World-Order get-rich-quick-at-any-cost privatization profit machines, then sooner or later you too are gonna end up looking like Palestine, Haiti, or post-Katrina Louisiana. But if you don’t play ball with the rich kids, you may risk ending up with no cement. Either way, the rich kids win and the rest of us lose.
PS: If anyone has any suggestions on how I can be allowed into Haiti (or even Gaza or Afghanistan or Louisiana!) as a journalist or as a volunteer (I have knowledge of and experience with emergency pain relief, infant nurturing and hospice care), please let me know.
PPS: Speaking of states that have fallen for corporatist propaganda to their own peril, I’d really like to recommend that a hand-recount of the ballots in Massachusetts be undertaken immediately. We all know who brought that electronic vote-counting software to the Boston tea party on Jan. 19 — and it wasn’t We the People.
But if Scott Brown did win the Jan. 19 election fair and square (which I doubt), then the people of the great state of Massachusetts have just cut off their noses to spite corporatist Barack Obama’s face — by electing yet another one of the corporate foxes who helped invade their hen house in the first place. It’s a lose-lose situation for yet another American state. And it’s a good thing that Massachusetts isn’t prone to earthquakes.
****
From Smirking Chimp: Why Is The Haiti Disaster Response So Screwed Up?: …Lacking outside support, civilians have worked communally to try to save their own families. Supplies were sent but many have yet to get out of the airport. Troops have not been assigned to help deliver water or guard medical facilities. There is a fear of the wrath of a people that are pissed off at hearing about aid and money donated, and then seeing nothing trickling down into their neighborhoods.
And there is a deeper fear — a political fear. With President Aristide, the man the U.S. considers too radical for its tastes, anxious to return, there is fear that a possible revolt against the lack of help could turn angry and political. Hillary Clinton keeps telling the Haitians that we are their friends — but many doubt it. They know that Aristide’s Lavalas party is the most popular in Haiti and wants a more profound transformation than the U.S. wants to allow. It had been banned from taking part in scheduled elections next month, that are likely to be canceled now. Haiti’s president Preval is weak and dependent on U.S. largesse.
Let’s admit it, this disaster response is itself a disaster. And it’s helping promote a new disaster to come.
Monday Should Always Start With A Comatose Computer
Sometime between Sunday afternoon and Monday morning, my computer slipped from its normal “sleep mode” and into a deep coma. This became apparent after hitting the space bar and getting no reaction whatsoever, not counting a low-pitched whirring sound that — if I didn’t know better — I could swear was snoring. Realizing there might be a serious problem, I gathered all of my computer troubleshooting experience and, over the course of the next 10 minutes, applied that experience by hitting the space bar no less than 400 times. When that didn’t work, I unplugged the computer and plugged it back in. Tried a different outlet. Switched keyboards. Wiggled my mouse. Considered finding a different occupation, preferably one involving explosives. I eventually realized the only thing left to do was call the Help Line listed in the service manual and hope someone there could either (a) talk me through this or (b) talk me down should our conversation move to the rooftop.
Sometime between Sunday afternoon and Monday morning, my computer slipped from its normal “sleep mode” and into a deep coma. This became apparent after hitting the space bar and getting no reaction whatsoever, not counting a low-pitched whirring sound that — if I didn’t know better — I could swear was snoring. Realizing there might be a serious problem, I gathered all of my computer troubleshooting experience and, over the course of the next 10 minutes, applied that experience by hitting the space bar no less than 400 times. When that didn’t work, I unplugged the computer and plugged it back in. Tried a different outlet. Switched keyboards. Wiggled my mouse. Considered finding a different occupation, preferably one involving explosives. I eventually realized the only thing left to do was call the Help Line listed in the service manual and hope someone there could either (a) talk me through this or (b) talk me down should our conversation move to the rooftop.
As expected, I was greeted by an automated voice telling me, in that creepy robot word-splice tone, that my call was important to “them” and to please hold until the next representative became available.
Thank.
You for.
Your patience.
Next came the music, a collection of Michael Bolton, Celine Dion, and Whitney Houston standards re-mixed — I’m guessing — by either John Tesh or Yanni to keep people on-hold from growing impatient. This is little like trying to talk a suicidal jumper off the ledge by giving them a pogo stick. Making matters worse, I was reminded every 30 seconds — by that same creepy robot voice — that my call was “very important to ‘them’” and to remain holding for the next available representative.
Again thank.
You for.
Your patience.
When my service representative, broke the line 20 minutes later asking for my computer’s serial number, I was unprepared. Not just because it was the first unsynthesized human voice I’d heard in nearly an hour, but also because I didn’t have the serial number ready. That’s when “Chaz” told me I could easily find the number by going to my computer and — very carefully — turning it upside down. Upon hearing these helpful instructions I cocked my head to one side and, while pinning the phone against my shoulder, fought off an aneurism. I was then instructed to call back when I had the serial number readily available, to which I replied I was “readily available” to catch a flight to Atlanta and strangle him with a USB cord unless he waited for me to flip my computer over and read him the number.
After entering the serial number into his data bank, he informed me all the hardware was still under warranty. However, I needed to pay $45 in order for the service call to continue. I thanked him for his time and, before hanging up, told him how much I was looking forward to having a glass of sweet tea when I got Atlanta.
My next move was to take my computer to an approved repair service located 60 miles away. The up side is that I could deal with real humans. The down side is that driving there would cost about as much as following up on my threat and actually flying to Atlanta. After careful consideration I decided to stay here. That’s because, the way my luck was going, “Chaz” was probably a 260-lb Martial Arts champion whose passion for the sport began when his wife left him for a loudmouthed humor columnist. Even if I got my computer fixed, what good would it do if I had to type everything with my tongue?
So, as of today, my computer is still in the shop. According to the repair guy they’re just waiting for a new “logic board” to arrive which, well…
Makes sense, I guess?
In the meantime, I’ll continue working on a back-up computer that is too old to handle things like getting on the Internet, updating my blog, or performing any function in under 10 minutes. I hope to have my computer back in a few days. Until then:
Thank.
You for.
Your patience.
(You can write to Ned at the Siuslaw News, P.O. Box 10, Florence, OR 97439, or nhickson@thesiuslawnews.com)
The Texas Perimeter Hike — Weather Woes
“I’m still in the tarp. It’s still raining. It’s still windy. Everything’s freezing… still. And now I have to use the restroom. And [I don’t mean] pee.” — The author’s audio journal entry from Jan. 28, 2010
Perhaps the most common
question I receive about my trip is “Where do you sleep?” When I reply, it’s like being an accident on the side of the road with all the rubbernecks watching. With my backpack extending from my
waist to the back of my neck, people already know the answer. Many start grimacing before I even start to respond. But like a lover with solid evidence of a transgression, they just want to hear me say it.
I camp. Out there.
Animals, weather, other people. These are the fears of my inquiring public. I could also throw in the U.S.-Mexico border, but since it’s another thousand miles to El Paso, I’ll put
that one on hold. I can’t control any of these things living as I am on the road, but then I can’t control them living in a city either. However, I can be smart about them.
If I’m doing my job, you will never see me leave the road in the evening, nor reenter it the next morning. I prefer wooded areas but will make due with what I have. I have seen homemade NO TRESPASSING signs, and I take those and all other kinds very seriously. In some cases, my assessment of a potential risk means having to walk several more miles. I once hiked 16 miles on top of 16 I had already done because I didn’t feel safe.
I’ve also made some adventurous camping decisions, like walking straight into a forecasted ice storm. While not exactly smart, I nonetheless wanted to experience the weather. Did I really come all this way only to sit out the Panhandle fun?
This camping tale is particularly memorable. When I left Quanah, Texas, I was pumped up, fat on food and high on hospitality, and no little ice storm was going to rain me out of a good time. I made it about halfway to Childress and, obeying all of my general camping rules, found a nice spot close to the train tracks and away from the road.
I set up my tarp like an open-ended tent, staked it down, and rolled out my sleeping bag. The day had been bright and sunny, and the nighttime wasn’t all that different. I ate some snacks and went to bed.
It was good sleeping until 2:30 a.m.
I should have known the gig was up when the wind started ripping my stakes out of the ground. I fought that storm about 10 hours for my dry little space, but the winds, rains, and ice all conspired to kick me out. I eventually had to relieve myself, which is a terrible situation to be in while camping in a storm. However, seeing the state of my tarp from the outside was enough to convince me to pack up.
I walked 15 miles to Childress in that storm. When I finally reached a hotel, I was covered in ice.
So, yes, I camp. Out there. Though this icy episode may sound terrible, I was in high spirits the entire time. I’m not kidding. I may have lost my dry little space to the storm, but when I finally took my pack and coat off, the ice shattered and fell to the floor. All that remained was me.
Smatt is the penname of S.Matt Read. A writer, inventor, baker, and hiker, he is currently hiking the entire outline of the state. Follow his adventure here and at and . The perimeter is about 3,000 miles long and has likely never been hiked before. The hike started at Corpus Christi and is going clockwise. It began in August 2009 and is expected to be completed in July 2010.