Cleaning House (Physically and Mentally)
My son’s been visiting for the last week. This is a big deal, as we only see him once or twice a year. He travels the world with his job, and like many young people these days, seems to have few days off. My daughter’s been able to spend two weekends here during her brother’s visit, and it’s a rare treat to have them both together with me again.
My son’s been visiting for the last week. This is a big deal, as we only see him once or twice a year. He travels the world with his job, and like many young people these days, seems to have few days off. My daughter’s been able to spend two weekends here during her brother’s visit, and it’s a rare treat to have them both together with me again.
We were talking the other day about clutter. This subject always comes up during my son’s visits. To say he’s a minimalist would be a vast understatement. He claims this has come about in reaction to his childhood with ME, the woman who thinks that if one is good, two are better. (If you like it, buy it in three colors). I always point out that everyone ends up blaming their mother for SOMETHING. When one lies down on some therapist’s couch one day, one must have something to say, after all. And being a minimalist as a result of a parent’s fault isn’t so terrible, not like becoming a serial killer.
My daughter lives closer and sees us more frequently these days. She decided a while back to stop badgering me about— well mostly anything. She crosses the cattle guard, lets the city stress seep from her pores. After a couple of hours of decompressing, I think she enjoys her time here, relaxing in the country as much as possible, winding down from her stressful job.
The conclusion I came to is that we all have different kinds of clutter in our lives. Zack and I have THINGS. Not only do we stop SEEING some of it after a while, but, living as we do, we need plenty of tools and supplies. (I justify a lot of it this way, when I can get away with it). The kids, on the other hand, have clutter in their heads, on their computers, and in cyberspace. There’s just so much information out there. It’s overwhelming. I can filter it out and say, “Enough!” I can turn off my computer and simply stop the input. But my kids today use all this for their work and to keep up with a quickly changing world. It’s like a train wreck; they can’t look away.
All working people carry a to-do list in their heads, always have. (My hard copy is pages and pages long, a whole other problem, one I should likely discuss with a trained therapist. But that’s for a different column). In this modern age of multitasking and information overload, it’s possible to expand on and on and on — to the point of being totally overwhelmed. My kids’ iPhones and Blackberries never stop. I listened one night to the blips and bleeps from these machines as my precious children slept, the ever-present “smartphones” by their sides, tiny, portable computers keeping them ever connected to their jobs and responsibilities. There are alerts of incoming emails, texts, messages, and reminders of all kinds. When I threaten to hide the phone while she sleeps, my daughter tells me I cannot, because her alarm is there too. Her brain is programmed to ignore the nocturnal noises yet awaken to the alarm. I worry about the quality of her rem sleep.
This can’t be healthy. There’s no 9-5 for these kids and so many like them. Their jobs are ever present. Even during the weekend or on vacation, they’re connected, at the continual mercy of insistent co-workers and supervisors who need to know this or that JUST THAT MOMENT, like the world would end otherwise. Why are these people working late at night after a full day? How productive can they be 24/7? Have they never heard of down time? Don’t they WANT any? I suppose there will always be folks with no other life who are willing to work continually, making job security precarious for others who actually require sleep. I predict a whole new realm of psychological problems stemming from this phenomenon. Car accidents caused from texting and driving are just the tip of the iceberg.
I once held an executive position in which I was told by a board member (who probably hadn’t held a real job in over forty years) that if I was able to do my job between 9-5, I wasn’t doing everything. My answer was that if I could NOT do that job during those hours, there was something wrong with the organization of my time. It wasn’t exactly rocket science. But that position didn’t come with an iPhone. Things are different now in the “real world”. Because my son’s job takes him all over the globe, he often receives calls in the middle of the night from people who are awake when he should be sleeping. The question in my mind is, “How much will people be willing and able to give to these constant demands over the long haul?” Is this just the way of the future? Will humans simply adapt, with the “fittest” surviving and the others falling by the wayside? (Will one group be more “successful” but perhaps the other stay sane?)
My son’s concern over the actual, physical clutter in my home is endearing (often to the point of insanity). He believes with fewer things in my life, I’ll have more time for what I enjoy. And he’s probably right. (We’ve already cleaned out the kitchen, removed boxes and boxes of extra supplies — OK, antiques and what I consider “collections.” And to him it still looks crowded). My concern over the digital/media clutter in his and his sister’s lives is just as valid. I believe it’s more insidious than the physical kind of clutter. (He argues this point). I suppose there’s no escaping it in this modern age, but my first motherly instinct is to kidnap them, drive my truck or tractor over the laptops, Blackberry and iPhone, and keep them on the ranch with me forever, watching the grass grow.
Gene Ellis, Ed.D is a Bosque County resident who returned to the family farm after years of living in New Orleans, New York, and Florida. She’s an artist who holds a doctoral degree from New York University and is writing a book about the minor catastrophes of life. Check out Genie’s blog at .
