The Two-Handed Wedgie
Just when you think we got enough to worry about, along comes a big, old raging controversy over airports utilizing full-body scanning machines that can see through fliers’ clothing all the way down to our naughty bits. Let me tell you where I stand on this brouhaha: I don’t care. Haha. In the whole modesty versus safety argument, you can count on me to crawl behind the Kevlar couch with the Safety First! crowd every time.
Just when you think we got enough to worry about, along comes a big, old raging controversy over airports utilizing full-body scanning machines that can see through fliers’ clothing all the way down to our naughty bits. Let me tell you where I stand on this brouhaha: I don’t care. Haha. In the whole modesty versus safety argument, you can count on me to crawl behind the Kevlar couch with the Safety First! crowd every time.
All because of the underpants bomber. Yes, the underpants bomber. And no, it’s not funny, but then again, yes, it is. Here’s my theory: If the bad guys are willing to shove bombs up their butts, you know what, we’re not going to win that war. Who can afford to pay the necessary costs to hire people to check for this? “More anal probes, please.” Because when we do come up with a defense for explosive suppositories, the terrorists will just develop some sort of kimchee, 1000-year-old egg, garlic-onion paste resulting in murderous bad breath.
Another point as dependable as Tofu Corn Dogs at a Berkeley street fair, is these attacks always produce a surfeit of feigned media outrage leading to an equally transparent government overreaction. Pilots now have the option of restricting passengers from using rest rooms for the first and last hours of the flight. Battling terrorism with toity deprivation. And you thought those middle coach seats were grotey before. Captains have also been instructed not to point out landmarks along the way. And no peeking out the windows either. That would be cheating. Destination announcements — a thing of the past. From now on, guess where you’re going.
Even though the Fruit of the Loom bomb didn’t go off, conservatives are still screaming it’s all Obama’s fault. And one thing that hasn’t changed with administrations is the executive propensity for deflecting responsibility. Must be on page one of the White House primer they hand out with the keys to the front door. Raising an interesting question; do you get actual keys to the White House? And if so, did Obama go down to Ace Hardware to have spares made, or did he make the kids do it?
The official excuse reeked of recycling. “The information was there but nobody connected the dots.” Connected the dots? This guy paid $3000 for his ticket with cash, didn’t have a passport, flew sans checked baggage after the British tried to warn us, and his own dad dropped a dime on him at the Nigerian embassy. Those aren’t dots. Those are day-glo beach balls the size of weather balloons filled with concrete.
Not to mention Mister Abdulmutallab was flying from Amsterdam to Detroit. C’mon, people, think about it, who voluntarily leaves Amsterdam to go to Detroit? In the dead of winter? Without a frequent flyer number? Everybody on that flight should have been suspicious and subjected to a body cavity search with a defective chain-mail glove. Boarding and deplaning.
But like our lame response to the shoe bomber (putting smiles on the face of sock manufacturers everywhere,) it’s only a matter of time before the TSA refocuses on the new most dangerous airborne menace known to man: poo-poo undies. Going to be tough training 45,000 screeners in the speedy implementation of the dreaded two-handed wedgie. Aah, the TSA: you got to love them. Fighting today’s security threats with yesterday’s technology, tomorrow.
Will Durst is a San-Francisco based political comic, who writes sometimes, this being a first-rate example.
Copyright ©2010, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Cari Dawson-Bartley at 800-696-7561 or e-mail cari@cagle.com.
‘If’ by Sawyer… Moskowitz, Gerteiny
Dear Editor,
My years around the poker table “if” dealt lots of laughs from the winners.
Imagine “if” we could place all our “ifs” at the foot of this new Key West statue.
Always thought the first visit to Heaven (“if” a Heaven and I make it) would be to run into God’s (“if” a God) library and check out my book to see His path for me, and “my” path taken.
Mike Sawyer, Key West, Fla.
Letter to the Editor:
Less Safe On Obama’s Watch
As a former naval intelligence officer on a high level staff (Top Secret Cryptographic clearance), I agree with President Obama that the breach of security associated with the Detroit-bound airliner is “totally unacceptable.” The warning signs were there, but the intelligence community failed to recognize, analyze and disseminate the information. This is the same type of failure which led to the 9/11 attacks and the Ft. Hood massacre.
Although only a small percentage of Middle East inhabitants are terrorists, almost all of the terrorists emanate from Middle East countries. We have to pay much more attention to travelers to this country from the Middle East and a few other countries, and our Department of Homeland Security has to work with foreign airports to beef up their security operations. We need many more intelligence officials who are proficient in Arabic and who can penetrate al Qaida networks in various countries, including Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Yemen.
Unfortunately, the Bush Administration transferred a number of Yemini terrorists from Guantanamo Bay back to Yemen, and at least one of them was involved in the planning for the attack on the Detroit-bound airliner. President Obama wants to close down Guantanamo and transfer the terrorists to the U.S. mainland for prosecution. Will these terrorists be convicted of their crimes? Will they be executed? If not, how long will they stay in prison? Will they be eligible for parole? Will they spread their hate for the U.S. to other inmates? Why take a chance with these hard core terrorists? Keet them in Guantanamo.
We need President Obama to stop appeasing the leaders of countries that sponsor terrorism including Iran, Syria, and Somalia; and he has to cease bowing to leaders of the world, and appearing subservient to them. These actions are construed by terrorists as signs of weakness, which give the terrorists inspiration to attack us.
President Obama weakened the CIA operations, and the intelligence agencies in general, when he criticized the CIA for its interrogation techniques. Although some of these techniques might be unacceptable to the world community, we have to be able to somehow access information from captured terrorists. I believe the recent failures of our intelligence agencies to provide warnings of potential terrorist activities can be partially attributable to some apathy and lack of initiative within the intelligence community, and President Obama bears some responsibility for the climate of distrust among intelligence officials.
Janet Napolitano is not qualified to fill the position of Secretary of Homeland Security. We need a professional intelligence/security person in this critical position. Unfortunately, most high level federal positions, including cabinet positions, go to unqualified politicians for payback for supporting the President during the campaign.
Note: The President was deeply involved and approved the people for these positions.
The U.S. is less safe on Obama’s watch, and we could be susceptible to on-going terrorist attacks due to an appeasing and apologetic President, incompetent Secretary of Homeland Security, and weakened intelligence agencies.
P.S. Bring on the body scanners. At my age it could be exciting.
Donald A. Moskowitz, Londonderry, NH
To The Editor
It’s finally happened. Two events have struck stunning and seemingly insoluble blows to our already weakened democracy, January 19 and 21, 2010, respectively: the special election in Massachusetts to fill the Senate seat vacated by fighting liberal Ted Kennedy won by ultra-conservative Scott Brown and the 5 to 4 Supreme Court decision to uncap the limit on campaign contributions.
The former prevents Democrats in the House from sending a modified health care reform bill to the Senate, thus obliging them to pass the diluted but better-than-nothing Senate bill for the president to sign into law, one that can be improved upon later.
The latter will negatively affect every current and future issue—including global warming, wildlife, the national parks, outsourcing and health care reform—to be voted on by lawmakers, allowing corporations, including foreign companies abroad, to use their endless funds to lure and intimidate candidates and manipulate elections.
Not above the politicall fray, as the nation’s highest court is expected to be, while erroneously applying the First Amendment, the five nonimpartial conservative justices are no better than bullies and thugs, daring any individual or group to cross them, expressly predetermining the consequences of their vote, thereby casting to the errant winds common sense and justice for the many. In the president’s words, the decision is “a major victory for big oil, Wall Street banks, health insurance companies and the other powerful interests that marshal their power every day in Washington. . .”
There are possible solutions, if the uncorrupted and truly civic-minded members of the legislative branch have the brain power, patience and fortitude to set them in motion.
(We can’t expect the likes of senators Joe Lieberman and Evan Bayh who, with their spouses Hadassah and Susan, have mightily profited from their strong pharma/insurance industry affiliations or former Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle, also with ties to the private health insurance business and whose wife Linda is a high-powered Washington corporate lobbyist, to participate in any rectifying process.) What has finally been achieved by aggravated debate and negotiation must be enacted so that health care reform can begin. The president’s comments on this subject in his January 27 State of the Union address suggest an unshakable determination similar to that of past presidents FDR and LBJ, whose Social Security and Medicare acts, feared by many as socialist, are of such benefit to Americans today.
Democrats Sen.. Chuck Schumer of New York and Rep. Chris Van Hollen of Maryland, anticipating the Court’s 5 to 4 vote, have been working out possible ways to neutralize it: a ban on corporate political ads; stricter rules on campaigns and outside groups working together; and shareholder approval of political spending. Democrat Rep. Alan Grayson of Florida is urging Americans to sign his petition, saveourdemocracy.org.
Without serious redress of these unfortunate circumstances, our United States of America, already halfway there, will surely be transformed into the Corporate States of America.
Elizabeth Gerteiny, Westport, CT
China Threatens U.S. Over Taiwan Arms Sales
BEIJING — China has threatened U.S. firms who sells weapons to Taiwan. Sanctions are expected, according to the Foreign Ministry whose leaders warn that “The United States must be responsible for the serious repercussions if it does not immediately reverse the mistaken decision to sell Taiwan weapons.” The ministry claims that the arms sales represent an interference in China’s domestic affairs and could negatively impact that country’s national security.
Taiwan claims that China aims 1,000 to 1,500 short-range and mid-range missiles at the island, 160 kilometres (miles) from China at its nearest point.
U.S. President Barak Obama announced to Congress last week that a proposed $6.4 billion package of sales to Taiwan is pending from three major players, including Sikorsky Aircraft, Lockheed Martin Corp., and Raytheon Co.
The sanctions, according to the Foreign Ministry, would be “corresponding,” with military contracts postponed.
Rifts have also occurred recently regarding Internet policy. Google Inc. in January threatened to shut its Chinese portal and pull out of China due to censorship problems and attacks of hacking, while Obama will perhaps meet with the Dalai Lama, the exiiled Tibetan leader who China officials deem a dangerous separatist.
Party Rules
State of the Union Address Proves Individualism Dead
When President Barack Obama took to the podium behind the glued smiles of Vice President Joe Biden and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi last week, his sentences, which were quite often broken by meaningless and staged instances of standing applause, were centered on party. Democrats believe this, Republicans believe that.
State of the Union Address Proves Individualism Dead
WASHINGTON, D.C. — When President Barack Obama took to the podium behind the glued smiles of Vice President Joe Biden and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi last week, his sentences, which were quite often broken by meaningless and staged instances of standing applause, were centered on party. Democrats believe this, Republicans believe that.
The overall outcome of his pleadings in his first State of the Union address was for more taxpayer money to go to the government, its corporate sponsors, and its Wall Street crooks. He indicated he believed in no punishment — no accountability — for elected wrongdoers of the past and that checks and balances of yesteryear have now become inconsequential.
Obama outlined a way to utilize new governmental spending to create jobs, but the job totals he gave did not fully erase the job loss figures of the past decade, nor was there a plan to offset what should have been a growth in jobs to match changes in population. It would be a matter of partial catch-up and the expense would be enormous, over many years, involving more governmental control over individuals.
He blamed banks and Fannie Mae, etc. for the state of the economy, which he termed still in recession. He took credit for the highly questionable avoidance of a “depression” title via his bailout bonanzas to corporations, but agreed that there are some people who have not recovered. Like most politicians out of touch with true America, he did not mention the fact that most of the country’s financial problems stemmed from high gasoline prices that ruined family budgets, causing an inability for individuals to adequately pay their mortgages — and that these outrageous fuel costs continue to plague the population.
Some of his message dealt with the battle of the two ingrained political parties that are always in grid-lock where the parties’ elected servants continually bow to party rules instead of dumping party demands upon being elected. After all, the next election looms. Each party tries to find faults with the one in power so that the pendulum will swing one to the other with no third party or independents ever getting steam enough to actually change things.
Obama did not mention major problems with the Federal Reserve system, drug companies owning the airwaves, nor his cabinet choices that favored Wall Street over Main Street.
He did mention the near destruction of America that he inherited from the Bush League and indicated that one year was not enough to straighten it up. He did not mention that he, in a way, was part of this Bush League He served as an elected official part of this time and went along with many of the screw-ups by not demanding accountability.
This, of course, was the “party” thing to do, to give Democrats a bulging issue with which to build their stature by promising “change” to get elected, and then, of course, to shift stolen governmental income to their corporate sponsors for awhile.
He did not address wars as a primary expenditure of taxpayer dollars caused by governmental theft, although he did set a general timeframe to shift out of Iraq.
Noteworthy elements during his address included his concern that the Supreme Court erred in allowing corporations to fund political campaigns, a move which likely precludes individuals from having a chance at winning a national election unless corporately endorsed.
He expressed concern that the citizenry does not trust government, but he failed to provide a means by which the country can move away from a trend toward more entrenched fascism. He said nothing about erasing blemishes posed by Bush toward destroying the Constitution, and in fact indicated that he would be signing a presidential order himself.
During the masquerade, he noted that his wife, who is not an elected official but has been freely given a substantial staff budget, will be working with groups to improve the country.
