Sarah Palin: American Idol?
The other day, Sarah Palin announced that she will be working for Fox News. She said one of the reasons that she is excited about working there is because it is a place “… that so values fair and balanced news.” As an opinion columnist, nobody expects me to be “fair and balanced,” but news shows were once. But she actually called today’s Fox News “fair and balanced?” Obviously, the people at Fox may represent the conservative, right wing viewpoint if they want to, just as MSNBC presents the left wing, liberal viewpoint. But I certainly wouldn’t call either of them “fair and balanced.” That would be as silly as saying, “I can see Russia from my house.”
The other day, Sarah Palin announced that she will be working for Fox News. She said one of the reasons that she is excited about working there is because it is a place “… that so values fair and balanced news.” As an opinion columnist, nobody expects me to be “fair and balanced,” but news shows were once. But she actually called today’s Fox News “fair and balanced?” Obviously, the people at Fox may represent the conservative, right wing viewpoint if they want to, just as MSNBC presents the left wing, liberal viewpoint. But I certainly wouldn’t call either of them “fair and balanced.” That would be as silly as saying, “I can see Russia from my house.”
Like many people, I couldn’t resist watching her debut on the “The O’Reilly Factor.” I gave into the “must look at a car accident” impulse. Some of her rambling sentences seemed longer than her job as Alaska’s governor. There should have been a button to push to get a simultaneous English translation. She made up words like, “uncomfortableness.” But everybody makes little mistakes when they’re on TV, so let’s not linger on her lack of elementary school grammar.
When it came to discussing facts, she seemed to obfuscate the issue (Sarah, if you’re reading this, don’t be embarrassed to look up “obfuscate”). However, it was clear that she implied that except for her, everyone who was involved in her campaign is lying now. It would be nice to see her take responsibility for something. After all, the buck elk stops with her.
In the past, several people have used television to help make them stronger political candidates. Ronald Reagan is a good example. However, I saw Ronald Reagan on television, and you, Madame, are no Ronald Reagan.
The Fox announcement said that Palin will appear on several shows, rather than merely being on just one program. This got me thinking. If she has an overall contract with Fox, maybe she’ll also appear on shows that aren’t news programs. “24” has been a guilty pleasure of mine for years, and it would be perfect for Palin. Its lead character doesn’t let liberal, wishy-washy things like personal liberties and Constitutional limitations get in his way. “The Simpsons” might be a match for someone that many people consider a cartoon character. “Fringe” probably has the most appropriate title for the former governor. And to many, she is an “American Idol.”
Actually, my speculations might not be all that far-fetched. On the same day that Fox announced that Palin would be joining them, they announced that Simon Cowell, the acerbic co-host of “American Idol,” will be leaving after this season. Coincidence? Maybe. But don’t you think she’d be perfect for the show? It would be a great forum for this millionaire celebrity to continue to push her image as a “just folks, regular person like you and me.” Can’t you just hear her after someone’s singing performance? “We don’t have an opera house in Wasilla, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know good singing when I hear it because, like a lot of real Americans, I still sing in our choir, and your voice reminds me of some of the birds we heard when we went hunting last week and saw a bald eagle that’s no longer on the liberal, tree hugging endangered species list. You know what should be on the endangered species list? Middle class Americans who work hard, have kids, pay their bills, and don’t want the government to be in their lives except when it comes to Medicare, Social Security, and not paying a penny more than a fair price for all the American flags made in China. And I am 100% pro-life except when it comes to killing innocent animals, but we eat therefore we hunt so I don’t think this is the right time to raise taxes, especially on a young woman like you who has the chance to be a singing star in the greatest country in the world.”
In another amazing coincidence, on the same page of the newspaper that announced Sarah Palin’s signing with Fox News, there was an article that said that scientists have now determined that watching too much TV can actually shorten your life. So if I didn’t have a good enough reason to avoid watching Sarah Palin on television, I do now.
Lloyd Garver has written for many television shows, ranging from “Sesame Street” to “Family Ties” to “Home Improvement” to “Frasier.” He has also read many books, some of them in hardcover. He can be reached at lloydgarver@gmail.com. Check out his website at lloydgarver.com and his podcasts on iTunes.
Nothing Funny About Sad Life Of Daffy Duck Creator
The aspiring cartoonist told his friends on Jan. 17, 1928 to go on back to Dallas without him because he had decided to stay in sunny California. Since his mother was a distant descendant of the “Law West of the Pecos,” she christened her blessed event Frederick Bean Avery. He was born at Taylor in 1908 but grew up in Big D graduating from North Dallas High School.
The aspiring cartoonist told his friends on Jan. 17, 1928 to go on back to Dallas without him because he had decided to stay in sunny California.
Since his mother was a distant descendant of the “Law West of the Pecos,” she christened her blessed event Frederick Bean Avery. He was born at Taylor in 1908 but grew up in Big D graduating from North Dallas High School.
With his athletic good looks and love of the outdoors, people were always surprised to learn that Fred Avery had his heart set on a career as a cartoonist. The ink was still wet on his diploma, when he signed up for a summer course at a Chicago art institute. But after a month of still-life sketching, he packed his bags and caught the next train for Texas.
Waving good-bye to his buddies in the winter of 1928, Avery survived for several months by loading produce trucks and falling asleep to the sound of the surf. Recalling his adventure as a stranger in California many years later, he smiled, “You would be surprised how warm and soft a beach is after working all night.”
Failing to find a buyer for his comic strip, the Texan went to work as an assistant animator with the Walter Lantz Studio. To him the ground-floor opportunity was only a necessary evil, a way to keep body and soul together until the day he made it big in the funny papers.
But that day never came, and Tex – a nickname coined by unimaginative co-workers – eventually resolved to give animation his best shot. His prospects were decidedly dim due to the freely admitted fact that he was “never too great an artist. Most of those fellows at Lantz’s could draw rings around me.”
The loss of an eye in a freak office accident put Avery at an even greater disadvantage and changed forever his disposition. Gone was the life of the party with self-confidence to spare replaced by a brooding introvert with an inferiority complex.
Convinced he was finished as an artist, Avery jumped at the chance to master every phase of production. He was a dream come true for his lazy boss, who gave the eager beaver everything but his paycheck including complete charge of two cartoons in his fifth and final year with Lantz.
As soon as his debut flicks were in the can, Avery jumped ship for an all-or-nothing, one-film tryout with Warner Brothers. The classic Gold Diggers of ’49 so impressed producer Leon Schlesinger that he hired the 27 year old as his third animation director.
For the next seven years, Avery and his madcap crew worked out of a small frame building dubbed “Termite Terrace.” Only in retrospect did three-time Academy Award winner Chuck Jones recognize the unique talent of his former boss. “I was as ignorant of his genius as I suppose Michelangelo’s apprentices were oblivious to the fact that they too were working with a genius.”
Conceding the child market to Disney, Avery appealed to older moviegoers with a frantic gag-filled pace and adult humor that sometimes flirted with the risqué. His wisecracking characters broke the stodgy mold with sarcastic adlibs and handheld signs that poked fun at the story as well as the audience.
Avery created Daffy Duck, supposedly a native of Dallas’ White Rock Lake, and transformed a couple of extras into big-time stars – Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig. Until the rabbit underwent a personality transplant in A Wild Hare (1940), he was “just Daffy Duck in a rabbit suit.” Student slang at North Dallas High inspired Bugs’ trademark greeting “What’s up, Doc?”
Angered by a two-month suspension for insubordination, Avery quit Warner Brothers in 1941 for the greener pastures of MGM. He more than paid his own way with an average annual output of five cartoons over the next 13 years.
Although many of his features – Northwest Hounded Police, Red Hot Riding Hood, Slap Happy Lion, King Size Canary and Swing Shift Cinderella to name just a few – are considered masterpieces, Avery took a backseat to William Hanna and Joe Barbera, whose Tom and Jerry series collected seven Oscars. To compete with his rivals, the insecure workaholic rarely went home and even put off trips to the bathroom, a self-destructive practice that on one occasion necessitated the insertion of a catheter to drain his bladder.
When MGM let him go in 1954, Avery was already burned out. While Hanna and Barbera were taking television by storm with their own production company, he spun his wheels for 20 years cranking out commercials.
Avery’s private life was in worse shape than his career. His marriage did not survive the drug overdose death of his son, and he lived alone in a shabby apartment.
Tex Avery drew his last breath on Aug. 26, 1980 in the same California hospital, where Walt Disney died 14 years earlier. At his funeral, he was eulogized as “a leader who never established a studio, never tried to do anything but make good films.” And, most of all, he made millions laugh in a world that is not very funny.
Bartee Haile welcomes your comments, questions and suggestions at haile@pdq.net or P.O. Box 152, Friendswood, TX 77549. And come on by www.twith.com for a visit!
