Cackle Berry: FEMA Genie
A cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water…
His horse has already died of thirst.
He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking up out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.
He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing a FEMA
(Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge.
There’s a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.. ‘Well, cowboy,’ says the genie.. ‘You know how I work….You have three wishes.’
‘I’m not falling for this,’ said the cowboy… ‘I’m not going to trust a FEMA genie!’
‘What do you have to lose? You’ve got no transportation and looks like you’re a goner anyway!’
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides the genie is right.
‘OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.’
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, surrounded by jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
‘OK, cowpoke, what’s your second wish?’
‘My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.’
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
‘OK, cowpuncher, you have one more wish. Better make it a good one!’
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says… ‘I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.’
***POOF***
He was turned into a tampon.
And the moral of this story:
If the government offers to help you, there’s going to be a string attached.
The Changing Nature Of TV
Zack gave up on network television years ago. If he isn’t watching old movies on TMC, he’s probably catching a little news. Lately, he’s even limited the latter. Either the news shows are totally biased or just plain depressing. I go with what Zack watches because he’s King of the Remote around here. (I don’t have time to watch much TV and quite simply don’t often care). I don’t have time to read many books these days either, and THAT I miss.
And The Dumbing Down Of America Through Reality Shows
Zack gave up on network television years ago. If he isn’t watching old movies on TMC, he’s probably catching a little news. Lately, he’s even limited the latter. Either the news shows are totally biased or just plain depressing. I go with what Zack watches because he’s King of the Remote around here. (I don’t have time to watch much TV and quite simply don’t often care). I don’t have time to read many books these days either, and THAT I miss.
Our friend Ron will ask us, “Did you see [this show or that show] last night?” We stare at him blankly like deer caught in headlights, having never heard of these programs, much less watched them. (I’m sure we ARE missing some good things, but we can eventually find the whole series via Netflix with NO commercial interruptions). I only recognize some of these “new” actors if they’ve appeared in the (stupid) magazines my daughter Becca reads as she walks the treadmill or elliptical machine at the gym. (Books and more substantial magazines are too heavy, both literally and figuratively, she reports). And she tosses the old magazines my way. Sometimes we’ve actually caught some of this “new talent” in recent movies. But as many seem unremarkable to us, it’s often difficult to tell them apart or remember them. I see no Cary Grants, William Holdens, Clark Gables, Loretta Youngs, Ann Southerns, Judy Garlands, etc. I keep wondering what’s so hot about actors like Leonardo DiCaprio. I could go on and on. But that’s another column. And the truth is that we do like many of the younger “rat pack,” just not a large proportion of them. We don’t see a huge pool of talent there. But then we’re hard graders. And maybe some of them will improve with age, like fine wine.
So now NBC is moving all the late night shows around, angering the hosts. The ratings have probably skyrocketed. Conan and guest Ricky Gervais were hysterical last night. Zack says if this whole thing isn’t a brilliant publicity stunt to raise ratings, it should have been. Maybe the (younger) late night audience really is changing so drastically that these shows are no longer relevant enough for sponsors to be interested. My son Josh says he hasn’t turned on a TV in years now. He never watches one here either unless Zack forces an old movie on him. He can find almost anything he wants through the Internet — and without commercial interruptions. It’s a whole new world, but one must know how to navigate it. Tech-savvy kids like mine understand the ins and outs. I don’t.
Soap operas that have aired for 40 and 50 years are being given the ax as well. Television is changing. Instead of a Late Night Show or the old, standby series, the absolute stupidest reality shows in the universe abound in huge variety. Apparently we’re a country of voyeurs. My daughter watches these things to unwind when she visits, because they’re mindless and stupid and make her laugh. She never has time for television during her work weeks (which can often last from one Monday to the next, with little time for even sleeping. I can see her need for mindless unwinding now and then. Perhaps this explains the success of these reality shows as more and more young people have such demanding schedules and responsibilities). One wonders if the people on these shows can really be that dumb/bitchy/rude/fat/thin/untalented/brazen /clueless/such lying cheats/whatever. Sometimes it’s like the proverbial train wreck: You simply cannot look away. You just can’t believe what you’re seeing. I almost feel embarrassed for these folks. Like they’re being exploited by the producers for monetary gain. Duhhhhhh.
I’m not proud of it, but I admit to watching some of these things with Becca during her infrequent stress decompression weekend visits. It’s possible to look into the lives of Hugh Hefner at the Playboy mansion, brides before the big event, plastic surgeons at home and at work, people who want help breaking into the world of modeling, fashion design or haute cuisine cooking. There are programs showcasing real people who want to lose weight, find love (or a millionaire),dance best, dress better, have makeovers, remove clutter from their lives, redo their kitchens, grow nicer and more productive gardens, buy a new home here or abroad, sell antiques, or tractors or cattle or whatever.
You name it, and there’s probably a show built around it. I only wish I’d thought of this, but in my wildest dreams, I never would have believed most people would CARE. This is the reason I’m not in marketing. It’s one of a multitude of reasons I’m not wealthy. Few people seem to like or buy the things I like. There’s an old saying in the wholesale world, “If it smells, it sells.” Maybe that’s true in television programming now. I suppose it all has to do with the changing nature of entertainment today and the demographics and intellectual capacity of the money spending public masses. I must be getting old. I’m finding it more and more difficult to be optimistic about future generations if this stuff is what they watch on the box 24/7. Our parents probably said the same thing about US.
Eat Your Heart Out Donner Party
My daughter Ashley’s boyfriend Hugo had never seen snow before and seeing snow was very high up on his to-do list. “Can we drive up and see snow on my birthday?” he asked. That sounded like a reasonable request so we all snagged up baby Mena, slapped her in a carseat and headed off for the snow. And drove. And drove.
No Snow In The Sierra Nevadas
http://jpstillwater.blogspot.com
My daughter Ashley’s boyfriend Hugo had never seen snow before and seeing snow was very high up on his to-do list. “Can we drive up and see snow on my birthday?” he asked. That sounded like a reasonable request so we all snagged up baby Mena, slapped her in a carseat and headed off for the snow. And drove. And drove.
“You’ll see snow almost immediately after you drive past Sacramento,” the internet assured us before we left Berkeley and took I-80 east toward the Sierra Nevadas. But when we reached Placerville it was still sunny and warm.
Then we stopped at the Boeger winery to give young Mena a break and let her run around in the vineyard. “How far to the snow?” we asked the vineyard people.
“About 20 minutes.” But two hours later, we were still driving. 2,000 feet — no snow. 4,000 feet — no snow. 6,000 feet — no snow.
Finally at 6,500 feet, just 50 miles west of Lake Tahoe, away the freak up in the middle of the Sierra Nevadas, in 65-degree weather, we finally found snow.
Hugo loved the snow. Mena had no idea what to do with it. I complained about cold feet. Ashley slid down a hill on her bottom — in one foot of snow. (Ashley says that there was at least two feet of snow up there but she’s wrong. That was just the left-over stuff from the snow plow. Had there actually been two feet of snow on the ground, I would never have gotten out of the car.)
Remember the ill-fated Donner Party back in 1846 — and how, even though it was only October, they ran into a severe blizzard and got snowed at 5,698 feet (that’s 1,000 feet lower than we were) up in the wretched Sierra Nevadas for the next three months and couldn’t get out and had to resort to cannibalism just to survive? Imagine if they had been crossing the Sierras during October of 2010! They coulda all walked out alive and been safely home sitting by a warm fire in San Francisco in plenty of time for Thanksgiving. And even if they had crossed the Sierras like we did — in January — they still would have made it safely down to Frisco by Valentines Day.
PS: Here’s a video of me, Ashley, Hugo and young Mena cavorting in some hard-to-find snow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hePq1pZwpj8
From Wikipedia: The Donner Party was a group of California-bound American emigrants caught up in the “westering fever” of the 1840s. After becoming snowbound in the Sierra nevada in the winter of 1846-1847, some of them resorted to cannibalism.
New DVD Emerges To Explain The ‘Ron Paul’ Phenomenon
Dr. Ron Paul defies all conventional wisdom. Conventional Wisdom says that the Ron Paul boom would have blown over after the campaign; he’s just a fly in the ointment, a flash in the pan, a wisp in the election wind. But in this case, Conventional Wisdom has been proved wrong.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Dr. Ron Paul defies all conventional wisdom. Conventional Wisdom says that the Ron Paul boom would have blown over after the campaign; he’s just a fly in the ointment, a flash in the pan, a wisp in the election wind. But in this case, Conventional Wisdom has been proved wrong.
So how did this obscure 11th term congressman from Texas defy the predictable batch of Washington play-by-the-rules candidates and raise more than $34 million seemingly out of nowhere? In the long run, Dr. Paul triumphed because he was the exception to the rulers.
He is the last of the breed. As a small-government tight-money Republican this gynecologist-obstetrician (4,000 babies claimed as a career total) regularly votes “No” on pork barrel projects that would put money into his own district, came into the campaign with a conservative platform: a return to the gold standard, abolition of the I.R.S., a literal view of the Constitution. His campaign was bare bones. Then he started appearing in debates. His emphatic grandfatherly presence and fierce opposition to the war in Iraq set him apart from his fellow Republicans. Setting him even farther apart were ideas like blaming American foreign policy for the attacks of 9/11 and abolishing the Federal Reserve.
If his campaign had taken place in the pre-Internet era, it might have gone the way of his 1988 Libertarian campaign for president, as a footnote to history. But because of the Internet’s low-cost ability to connect grass-roots supporters with one another — Dr. Paul’s once-solo quest had taken on a life of its own. It evolved from a figment of cyberspace into a traditional campaign, with yard signs, meet-ups, direct mail, old-fashioned rallies and good old American chutzpah. Their goal was to agitate like in a washing machine, until all the dirt came out.
While the ditto heads cheered Giuliani and Romney even though their speeches often veered into rhetorical culs-de-sac, the audience roared their support for torture and rule by emergency decree, Paul told the crowd and the TV cameras that no, torture is wrong and the Constitution is paramount.
Paul was asked if 9-11 changed anything. U.S. foreign policy, he answered, was a “major contributing factor. Have you ever read the reasons they attacked us? They attacked us because we’ve been over there; we’ve been bombing Iraq for 10 years. We’ve been in the Middle East. So right now we’re building an embassy in Iraq that’s bigger than the Vatican. We’re building 14 permanent bases. What would we say here if China was doing this in our country or in the Gulf of Mexico? We would be objecting.”
But even as Fox’s pundits tossed Paul on their devilled horns, the instant poll totted up the numbers. Of the 40,000 viewers expressing an opinion, 29 per cent wrote in that Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney had done best. Second was Ron Paul, with 25 per cent, barreling ahead of Giuliani with 19 per cent. The most pro-war of the lot, McCain, got 5 per cent.
So now just when you thought it’s all been said about Ron Paul, along comes a crack team of Wisconsin-based cybernauts Chris Rye and Corey Kealiher, two deeply informed grassroots documentary filmmakers who produced the strikingly honest Inaugural DVD “For Liberty, How the Ron Paul Revolution Watered the Withered Tree of Liberty” to show why Dr. Paul inspired such a strong grassroots movement, unmatched in American history.
By filming the dedicated millions of Paul followers who made the Ron Paul Election Phenomenon, Rye and Kealiher produced a hard-knuckled, knockout DVD that lays bare Paul’s fervent philosophy of sound money, stern non-interventionist foreign policy born of pragmatics not idealism, and individual liberty as defined by that holiest of American grails, the Constitution.
As with almost every cinema-verite subject, people in everyday action — politics in particular — reveal themselves with such absorbing originality, a script was not needed. “For Liberty” characters were operating by the seat of the pants.
“For Liberty” serves as a tour guide along the deeply flawed 2008 election trail, blowing the lid off of decades of secretive world class cronyism and high finance fraud.
Confident and secure with his ideas, Paul maneuvesr, spins, and speechifies with the best and worst of them, always a quiet eye in the political storm. By contrast with the snake oil salesmen of the political establishment who sold their recycled wares to Middle America, Paul came off as the safe port in the political storm.
His platform blew everyone away: a return to the gold standard, abolition of the I.R.S., a literal view of the Constitution. His campaign was bare bones. Then he started appearing in debates. His emphatic presence and fierce opposition to the war in Iraq immediately set him apart from his fellow Republicans. Setting him even farther apart were ideas like blaming American foreign policy for the attacks of 9/11 and abolishing the Federal Reserve.
Paul sowed his dedicated and mushrooming base largely because of the Iraq war. He alone among the Republican club of warhawk presidential candidates called a war is a war early on — that the war was an anti-constitutional betrayal of America’s interests — and thereby stood out from the snarling pack. Hence Paul was able to draw visceral antiwar support from both sides of the blurred ideological divide. He inspired millions regardless of party affiliation, who believe in conditionally supporting their country all the time and their government only when it deserves it.
When Paul’s campaign coffers swelled above and beyond his debate mates, the knives started to come out. This is how politics in the U.S. currently works.
Despite their snarling glances, Paul blew the lid off the WMD deception, the 911 blame game and the danger America faces as a result of the “greatest military blunder in American history,” the true character of his opponents and the absolute lie of their war on terror were laid bare for all to see.
“For Liberty” is not about tired, old, right-versus-left political bickering and backstabbing. It is about right vs. wrong, according to time-honored American values and the fundamental principals that 99% of Americans chose to live and abide by. Paul sees government as a clenched fist protecting corporate interests, maintaining economic hegemony through military might abroad while greasing the wheels for privileged elites to make money off the working majority at home.
Gop Attempts To Silence Gubernatorial Whistle-Blowing Candidate
WASHINGTON, D.C. — An attempt to silence Alabama gubernatorial candidate Bill Johnson has been launched by his own county’s GOP. Johnson, a 2010 Republican candidate for governor, is banned from speaking at GOP events in Alabama for blowing the whistle on current Republican Alabama Governor Bob Riley. Johnson is a former Riley cabinet member; he was director of the Alabama Department of Economic and Community Affairs (ADECA), a large state agency managing over $240 million per year in federal and state grants. Johnson led Riley’s grassroots efforts for his successful bids for Congress in 1996 and Governor in both 2002 and 2006. Johnson has worked closely with the Governor for over a decade.
Last year, Johnson became aware of possible conflicts of interest on the part of the Governor involving the giving of favorable contracts to close relatives and accepting money from Indian tribes involved with gambling while opposing gambling efforts by other parties. As a cabinet member, Johnson was required under Alabama law to report any perceived or actual conflicts of interest. Having both a legal and moral obligation, he made the difficult decision to put aside all party affiliations and friendships and report these conflicts to the U.S. Attorney’s office of the Northern District, Alabama, as well as the FBI. He also left the Governor’s office.
Upon announcing his candidacy for governor last June, Johnson immediately began receiving a series of threatening letters — culminating in a death threat — that he believes were related to his knowledge and reporting of Riley’s wrongdoing. In order to stop the increasingly serious threats that had become a growing concern to his wife and children, Johnson went public with the facts and called for an investigation by the Alabama Attorney General and local district attorney’s office. A link to Johnson’s request for an investigation, a summary of the charges, and copies of the threatening letters can be found at <http://billjohnson.org/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=-Va-YPiKxBE%3d&tabid=116>.
Among the conflicts raised by Johnson are concerns that the millions of dollars received by the 2002 Riley Campaign for Governor from Mississippi Indian casino owners are shaping the Governor’s position on gaming in Alabama and are the catalyst for Riley’s 2008 launch of an anti-gambling taskforce. These types of “contributions” precipitated the Jack Abramoff scandal and are still under investigation by the Department of Justice and United States Congress.
In addition to the threatening letters to Johnson’s home, a new threat against Johnson has emerged from the Alabama GOP itself in the form of a formal resolution banning him from speaking as a GOP gubernatorial candidate. The GOP resolution states that because Johnson raised concerns about potential conflicts of interest by a “hard-working and popular” Governor, Johnson should be banned from speaking as a GOP candidate. The resolution, sent to executive committees in all 67 Alabama counties, originated in Johnson’s home county which is led by a hand-picked Riley supporter.
The RestoreJusticeAtJustice.com <http://restorejusticeatjustice.com> campaign calls for full Department of Justice and Congressional investigations into the conflicts of interest raised by Bill Johnson. “This is not the first time that Bob Riley has been tied to corruption,” said Restore Justice spokesperson and attorney Kevin Zeese. “His name keeps popping up for his involvement with Jack Abramoff, bags of cash payoffs from Indian casino interests, unethical political patronage, manipulation of his 2002 election, and the targeting of former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman. Now he is trying to silence Bill Johnson, a close insider who witnessed first hand Bob Riley’s corrupt activities. Johnson’s allegations appear to indicate blatant criminal conduct and obstruction of justice in violation of federal statutes. Clearly, because of Alabama’s sad history of corruption and political protection, we demand a high level criminal investigation authorized by the Attorney General.”