Empathy

In an earlier column I mentioned disappearing eyebrows (as a sentinel of middle age). I was whining about all my eyebrows not being exactly where I expected them any longer, but instead sneaking off to other places. It occurred to me that nature begins to blur one’s vision about the time one should see one’s face up close and personal. Perhaps this is nature’s way of causing us less upset over our aging faces. What we can’t see won’t hurt us. Mother Nature never counted on magnifying mirrors.

 In an earlier column I mentioned disappearing eyebrows (as a sentinel of middle age). I was whining about all my eyebrows not being exactly where I expected them any longer, but instead sneaking off to other places. It occurred to me that nature begins to blur one’s vision about the time one should see one’s face up close and personal. Perhaps this is nature’s way of causing us less upset over our aging faces. What we can’t see won’t hurt us. Mother Nature never counted on magnifying mirrors.

I’ve used a magnifying mirror for years, ever since I needed my first pair of reading glasses. Lately (since Zack’s recovering fingers can’t help), I use the mirror for other things like fastening jewelry clasps. This is more challenging that one might expect. Although everything appears larger and easier to see, it’s all mirror image or backwards, which makes it almost impossible for me to follow my own movements with any amount of coordination at all.

Ever fastidious (and fast becoming more farsighted), I purchased a 15X magnifying mirror last year after using one at my cousins’ house. WOWZA! It works great, but even my 20-something kids say it’s a horrifying experience — like becoming Gulliver in Brobdingnag (the land of the giants).

Zack’s one of the only people I know who removes his glasses to see up close. When we first met, I happily announced to him one of my “true-isms,” that “a farsighted man’s a middle-aged woman’s best friend.” That was before I discovered his close vision was just dandy. Murphy’s Law. So he removes his glasses to read, and I put mine on. And he probably sees my face as well as I do in my magnifying mirror. Oh, the horror of it!

Remember when your mother told you, “Turn on a light! It’s too dark to read in here! You’ll go blind!” Then you’d argue that the light was just fine. You weren’t having trouble seeing. This always confounded me. Well, guess what, as we age, we actually do need more light to see the fine print — or to thread that sewing needle. We need more light to see clearly what we previously saw with less light. Now I’m the one telling my kids, “Turn on a light!” And they can’t understand why I’m bothering them.

My mother used to ask me to thread her sewing needles for her. I was happy to do it. It seemed so easy. I never could understand how she could possibly have such trouble with it since she wore glasses. That should have helped, right? Now, even using my glasses, threading a needle is an adventure. How can things that were once so easy now be such a challenge?

Zack has problems doing things with his hands as he recovers from Guillain-Barre. I still must help him with buttons and many other tasks that involve small motor skills. It’s terribly frustrating for him. And while we’re talking about Zack, you might remember my previous comment about men being unable to pay attention to a woman for more than twenty seconds. (Nice segue, eh?) Well, I just read about another study done on this subject, and it’s been found that women listen using both sides of their brains while men use only one. Explains a lot, doesn’t it? I never should have shared this information, because Zack now uses it as an excuse. He says I can’t blame him for not paying attention, because he was only listening with half a brain. I told him if it were me, I wouldn’t admit it.

And while we’re on the subject of studies, my son (who’s always after me to exercise more) found a study that concluded this: weight loss isn’t as dependent upon exercise as once thought. (I can’t believe he shared this with me. Now I REALLY have an excuse not to do all that cardio). Turns out it’s more about portion control and lowering carb intake. Zack has always contended that a calorie’s a calorie. The study said that people who exercise get hungry and eat more. Duhhhhh. When I began my newest career as a ranch hand several years ago, I immediately proved this study right. No brainer.

That old Indian saying about not judging someone until you’ve walked in their moccasins is so true. But we don’t always have the chance to walk in other shoes (or perhaps not for years and years). We must use our imaginations to develop empathy and sympathy for others. So all you young folks out there, when one of your elders tells you to turn on more light, just smile and do it. And know that in thirty or forty years, you’ll understand why. You’ll probably own reading glasses, a 15X magnifying mirror and a treadmill you don’t want to use.

(Gene Ellis, Ed.D is a Bosque County resident who returned to the family farm after years of living in New Orleans, New York, and Florida. She is an artist who holds a doctoral degree from New York University and is writing a book about the minor catastrophes of life.)