The Palin Defense

As Uncle Hugh used to say, “More folks know the town drunk than the mayor.”

This Week on

“Meet the Palins:”

Mom writes a “book;” even though she’s really never read one. Meanwhile, Todd starts drinking again, and hilarity ensues. Levi bare-ly appears in a girlie magazine, and Mom throws the “book” at him, then befriends a strange black woman. Todd starts drinking again, and hilarity ensues. Trig asks for an adoption for Christmas, but Mom gets him a talk-show guest spot instead. Todd starts drinking again, and hilarity ensues. Bristol starts dating again, and hilarity ensues.

Run, Sarah, run.

Ple-e-e-ease!

Truco Ricardo Perro

And then there was the one about the Mexican invasion of Presidio.

Lying Tricky Ricky Perry, the governor Texas didn’t want, accused the federal immigration service of importing thousands . . . or was it billions? . . . of illegal aliens to poor, defenseless little Presidio, a Big Bend town of 28,000.

It seems U.S. Customs and Border Protection (Did they think somebody was going to steal the border?) takes single Mexican men, 20-60, whom they catch in Arizona, down to Presidio and gives them some food and water, then sends them across the bridge, where Mexican cops load them on a bus and take them further south.

The idea was that if they paid some guy in Arizona to get them into the U.S., and they get caught and returned across the Arizona border, they might look at that same guy and point out that getting caught wasn’t part of the deal, and he might smuggle them back across in preference to getting a drywall hock up ‘side of his head.

If they get taken to Presidio, they can’t find that guy, and they just take the government bus back home.

Maybe try again later, maybe not.

Tricky neglected to mention that part about the government bus.

Instead, he said, folks in Presidio are gonna be stacking illegal Mexicans up like cordwood by sundown.

Oh, and he also neglected to mention that the Border Protectors have been doing this same thing in Eagle Pass for years.

Now, show me a stack of Mexicans in Eagle Pass.

Well, actually, Tricky Ricky may not have noticed that most of the inhabitants of Presidio and Eagle Pass are not Irish.

He also failed to notice, as most of the government has, that people in both places are perfectly capable of solving their own problems, if anyone cared to listen to them and give them a hand.

At least a hand that doesn’t have a green uniform or a politician attached.

Let’s face it. In a town of 28,000 people, most folks know who belongs there and who doesn’t.

Boom box defense

Mercenaries warded off a pirate attack on the Maersk Alabama this week by firing guns and playing high decibel noise.

The same guys will be cruising by your house in a low-rider Dodge tomorrow at 3 a.m.