Inauguration Homesick Blues — D.C. Winds Blow For Mucho Dinero

WASHINGTON, D.C. Love him or hate him, Bill Ayers lives in the now, though it could be said that he has softened with age.

The 63-year-old unrepentant militant might have tried to resist American imperialism in the 1970s, but he couldn’t resist quoting a popular fake TV pundit on Democracy Now! a week after the 2008 presidential election.

“You know, there was this wonderful moment on Stephen Colbert where the word for the night was ‘the ’60s.’ And he has a clip of [Sen. Barack] Obama saying, ‘Can’t we just leave the ’60s behind?’ And it comes back to Colbert, in full anger, saying, ‘No, Senator. We can’t leave it behind. It’s the gift that keeps on giving,'” said the respected Chicago professor who was a member of the antiwar group, the Weather Underground.

Well, the ’60s are over, and the gifts keep on coming. The cost of the next present, however, promises to blow away even the waxiest of culture warriors’ nostalgia.

What is the present? Why it’s the hottest ticket of 2009 the presidential inauguration of Barack Obama! Heck, it’s the hottest ticket in a g-g-g-generation. Kids will be telling stories about how they were born yards away from the first multi-racial American man being sworn in as U.S. president. Fuzzy memories will also recall how there was some “baaaad Viagra” circulating in the crowd. But Bob Dylan will nonetheless still stay at home, right? That’s okay, though, because that cold January day will make Woodstock look like Darfur.

Attendance estimates vary between 1.5 million and four million during Obama’s inauguration. Four years ago, only 300,000 people went to the second inauguration of President George W. Bush. That’s five times fewer people than this year and 1965, the year Lyndon Baines Johnson was inaugurated. To compensate for the anticipated record-breaking crowd, extra JumboTrons will run along the Mall.

To ease Mall viewers’ expections, D.C. Mayor Adrian M. Fenty told The Washington Post, “The Mall actually may be the best seat in the house…. It’ll kind of be like the world’s biggest stage and auditorium on January 20th.”

Obama’s Presidential Inaugural Committee informally told Fenty that more people that attend the inauguration ceremony the better. “We will follow their lead,” Fenty quipped.

So you can see why ticket prices to the inauguration ceremony could run between $2,300 and $40,000, depending on which congressional district the scalper works.

But if you happen to steal a ticket but don’t have your hotel reservation yet, forget it unless you want to freeze your buns off camping in New England tundra. The best you can do is listen to the telephone tree recording of Austin Powers and wish you had “shagadelic personal assistance” from their staff. That’s what The Lone Star Iconoclast did last week.

“Yeah, baby! Thanks for calling the Hotel Helix, a Kimpton Hotel, baby! Yeah!” said the knock off of Mike Myers’ hypersexed British spy film character. “If you know you’re party’s grooooovy four digit extention, you can dial it at any time.”

After getting dropped from the line tw